IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

People are responsible for their happiness. Others feel happiness depends on other factors in their life. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

#people #happiness #factors #life
The concept of
contentment
 has long been a topic of debate, with some arguing that individuals are solely responsible for their own
contentment
,
while
 others believe it is influenced by external factors.
This
 essay will explore both views and argue that
while
 personal attitudes play a significant role in
happiness
, external circumstances can
also
 impact an individual's well-being. Advocates for personal responsibility emphasize that bliss is largely determined by one's mindset and attitude towards
life
. It is fully pictured in elderly
life
 where elderly society tends to be patient and grateful for little things. They already learning a lot and are used to believing that
contentment
 can be found everywhere, not depending on other people's measurements. They live their
life
 to the fullest by creating their own happy moments,
such
 as watching flowers blossom or just trees changing colours. Positive thinking, gratitude, and self-awareness are believed to be pivotal in finding fulfilment within oneself.
On the other hand
, proponents of the belief that
happiness
 depends on external circumstances assert that certain
life
 episodes, relationships, and socioeconomic conditions can significantly impact an individual's
happiness
.
For instance
, positive
life
 events like achieving career success, forming meaningful relationships, or experiencing acts of kindness can enhance
happiness
.
Conversely
, negative
life
 events,
such
 as financial difficulties or the loss of a loved one, can contribute to emotional distress and lower
overall
 prosperity levels. In conclusion,
while
 individual responsibility is essential in cultivating
contentment
, it would be unfair to discount the influence of external factors. In reality, bliss is a complex interplay between internal attitudes and external circumstances. Striking a balance between self-awareness and navigating external influences is crucial in the pursuit of
happiness
.
Submitted by saynah_ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a more engaging and attention-grabbing introduction and conclusion to enhance the overall structure of the essay.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and sophisticated language to improve the lexical resource of the essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, particularly in complex sentence constructions, to enhance the grammatical range of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Self-reliance
  • Positive psychology
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Well-being
  • Mindset
  • Personal choices
  • Environmental factors
  • Interpersonal relationships
  • Emotional resilience
  • Quality of life
  • Subjective well-being
  • External circumstances
What to do next:
Look at other essays: