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Band 7

some people like to spend their liesure time after work with their coworkers while others like to keep their private life separate from work. Discuss both sides.

#people #liesure #time #work #coworkers #life
It is sometimes argued whether you should spend your free
time
 with your coworkers and choose your
friends
 from them or have
friends
 out of your workplace and enjoy leisure
time
 with them.
To begin
 with, I think if you make
friends
 with your colleagues and hang out with them, you'll be more satisfied at
work
. Because
then
 you'll be working with your
friends
, and I consider
this
 a blessing. You'll definitely enjoy your
work
 hours owing to the fact that you're working in an office with people you like, and you know.
This
 creates a sense of belonging and makes you
work
 harder and with more passion.
As a result
, the
overall
 quality and efficiency of
such
 a system will improve significantly. I think spending free
time
 with your coworkers is a beneficiary strategy.
On the other hand
, sometimes having
friends
 out of your office and choosing to separate your personal life from your career, might be a wise choice. Because if not
so
Rephrase
apply
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, it could result in uncomfortable situations at
work
.
For example
, I had a friend who was my coworker at the hospital, we were close
friends
 for about two years until we had an argument that eventually ended our friendship. after that, I had to see him from
time
 to
time
 and
work
 with him, those were terrible moments. Having
friends
 out of the
work
,
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 can lead you to meet new people, learn new things, and avoid getting stuck in a limited circle of people, and your life will probably be more interesting and less likely to be boring. In conclusion,
although
 having
friends
 outside of your workplace can be interesting, I personally believe having
friends
 who are your coworkers at the same
time
, is an opportunity that you should be grateful for.
Submitted by mohsen.pn1998 on

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coherence cohesion
You've presented a clear argument and presented viewpoints on both sides of the debate, but remember to make sure each paragraph addresses distinct points. Make sure your paragraphs are cohesive and clearly organized.
task achievement
Your essay addressed the task response quite well and the clear introduction and conclusion help to define the essay's direction. However, the instructions asked you to 'discuss both sides'. Make sure you maintain an objective discussion and present a balanced view.
lexical resource
The variety of vocabulary used in your essay is quite good but you could improve your lexical resource score by using a greater range of vocabulary. Make sure the words you use fit precisely with the context.
grammatical range
Your grammar and punctuation are adequate, but there were a few errors that could have been avoided. Keep focusing on improving your grammatical range to avoid such errors in the future.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • colleagues
  • team-building activities
  • work-life balance
  • socialize
  • networking
  • boundary
  • privacy
  • personal relationships
  • stressful
  • detrimental
  • efficiency
  • distractions
  • professionalism
  • segregation
  • personal time
  • maintain relationships
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