IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Technological development in earlier times brought more changes to the life of ordinary people then recent technological development have brought? Do you agree or disagree?

#development #times #changes #life #people
Some
people
 believe that cutting-edge current
technology
 does not influence public life when compared with the sort of
technology
 in the past. I disagree with
this
 argument and I will illustrate my justifications in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, modern
technology
 plays a major impact in changing
lifestyle
Correct article usage
the lifestyle
show examples
 of the public.
For instance
, in the past individuals had to attend to their work physically,but now they can work from home.
Therefore
,
technology
 saves their time to invest
this
 time in other things like leisure, hanging out and visiting family. Regarding lifestyle, because of modern
technology
 daily routine life of
people
 has altered from negative to positive due mainly to smartphones which were not available in the past.These devices have an essential effect on keeping our health fit so as to measure the fats and lipids in our body in order to select which sort of exercise we need to practise.
Hence
, Public health has been altered to positive in the
last
 three years.
Regards to
Wrong verb form
Regarding
show examples
 learning,
although
 in the
last
 three decades, a significant number of
people
 were not familiar with a lot of subjects ,currently a lot of
people
 are well educated in several topics because of the breakthrough in Modern
Technology
.
Therefore
,the education levels of ordinary
people
 have been improved. It is
also
 interesting to note that the mortality rates have decreased dramatically in the
last
 decade.
This
 is
due to
 periodic notifications on our smart devices to visit the doctors for regular
check ups
Add a hyphen
check-ups
show examples
 which brought about a positive impact on the reduction of death rates. In a nutshell, Despite that some
people
 believe
technology
 in the past rendered a positive change for ordinary
people
, I totally disagree with
this
 opinion.
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and direct thesis statement is provided in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g. linking words, pronouns, etc.) to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary and use more varied and precise language to improve your lexical resource.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: