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Band 7.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Despite advancements in farming and growing production, many people still suffer from ravenous issues worldwide. In my opinion, several factors assess the matter and need to be addressed seriously. So, I will outline two of them and give some solutions for each of them in
this
 essay. In my side of view, poverty is by far the most significant reason that people can not take advantage of agriculture to provide food.
For example
, nowadays, the economic situation in developing countries is noticeably poor and most families have more than one child.
Therefore
, the breadwinners hardly affording to provide the necessities for their households.
Moreover
, farmers strive to cultivate and these attempts deserve sufficient income.
Thus
, it causes an increase in the price. The higher the price, the lower the purchasing power and
also
 hunger problems. To my mind,
that is
 where the government should intervene by devoting special advantages to agriculturalists, moderating the catastrophic financial difficulties, setting adequate welfare for needy communities, etc. Another reason that can be mentioned is export.
For instance
, owners of the fields and specific ministries become greedy for more money and fortune. Having said that, selling to local resident in comparison to foreign countries have fewer profits since they cost a little.
Hence
, a few low-quality products remain for native consumption which do not contain enough nutrition and lead to a high rate of malnourishment.
Besides
, to deal with these consequences, authorities should put their efforts into their locals and upgrade their lifestyle and comfort and prevent them from going hungry.
To sum up
, In spite of progressing action through cultivating, many individuals still endure starvation
due to
 a variety of occasions that require attention that mostly involve the governments.
Submitted by reihanetorfe on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure, but some connections between ideas could be clearer. Work on smooth transitions between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
You've provided an introduction and conclusion, but they could be more clearly delineated and directly address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, yet your essay would benefit from more specific examples and details to illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
You have responded to the task; however, the response could be more fully developed with additional details and a more thorough explanation.
task achievement
Present ideas that are relevant to the prompt, but ensure that they are also fleshed out and comprehensive for a fully realized essay.
task achievement
Specific examples are crucial to support your points. Include relevant, detailed examples for a more convincing argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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