IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is said that governments should prioritize investing in train rail rather than highways. To come up with
this
Linking Words
, I think focusing on public
transportation
Use synonyms
 systems will be a good idea since they affect humanity in a positive way;
however
Linking Words
, spending money on roads will pollute the environment. The main effect of working on roads as a way of
transportation
Use synonyms
 is that it will end up as litter in cities. There are a lot of people who use cars and motorcycles as their individual vehicles which release significant amounts of carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide into the atmosphere that are harmful to humans.
For example
Linking Words
, a research team from the Institute Technology of Surabaya (ITS), Indonesia which majoring in environmental engineering wrote in their paper there are 46% of citizens in Indonesia suffer from asthma
due to
Linking Words
 exposure to these pollutants.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the solution is to use public
transportation
Use synonyms
 like the train,
that is
Linking Words
 why the government should upgrade by investing in the infrastructure.
Although
Linking Words
 train systems produce harmful gasses, railways have more capacity to fit the number of passengers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it can reduce not only pollution in the air and land but
also
Linking Words
 can reduce congestion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, railways will be more efficient for workers and pupils who are afraid of coming late because railways do not have any obstacles and are on time.
For instance
Linking Words
, independent studies have shown that the majority of people in Jakarta, Indonesia, approximately 58% love using trains during working time and
also
Linking Words
 university student of ITS says in their paper that railway
transportation
Use synonyms
 helps lower polluted air. In conclusion, regenerating funding of government to railway development is one of a way to create a better place for the future. I totally believe it can create less pollution and prevent traffic congestion.
In addition
Linking Words
, the living standard of society will rise up.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good flow and logical structure; however, it would be beneficial if you made use of more linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion were present and generally well-constructed. Do ensure that your conclusion adequately summarises the main points of your essay. These conclusive paragraphs have the power to end your essay on a powerful note or leave lingering questions.
supported main points
You did well to support your main points with specific examples; however, the examples could be further expanded upon for a higher grade. Including a comprehensive explanation of your examples to firmly convince and engage your reader is crucial in high-scoring essays.
complete response
You've addressed the topic and provided your views clearly; however, the argument could be enriched with a more diverse range of ideas. Explore other aspects of the topic to provide a more comprehensive response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas were clear, but they could be more comprehensive at times. Remember that complex ideas need to be broken down into comprehensible segments so that your reader can easily understand them. For a higher score, work on presenting multifaceted ideas in a clear, easily digestible manner.
relevant specific examples
It's good that you've included specific examples to back your points. However, your examples would carry far more impact if they were more relevant and comprehensive. The clarity and relevance of your examples have a direct influence on the strength of your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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