IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the detailed criminal description on newspaper and TV has bad consequences, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #description #newspaper #tv #consequences #information #media
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It is argued whether newspapers and TV channels ought to reveal elaborate criminal descriptions.
While
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 some
people
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 insist that it would have bad effects on the masses, I agree with the statement that
this
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 information should be known by the public. On the one hand, there are some negative influences if the media reports detailed crime news.
Firstly
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, it is likely to contribute to redundant anxiety among the masses and society. To be specific, it is so nervous that
people
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 may be concerned about security every day.
As a result
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, end up giving rise to a discrete and anxious social atmosphere;
also
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 worsening the tie of the community.
Secondly
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, the adverse effects on children cannot be ignored. Since juveniles are not mature enough to discriminate between right and incorrect actions, they are likely to innocently mimic the crimes that are disclosed on the news.
Therefore
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, some children may imitate criminal behaviour
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as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
well as lead to turmoils.
However
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, in my point of view, elaborate crime descriptions are able to inform the public of dangers and should not be limited.
For instance
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, if inhabitants get familiar with the appearance of the criminal, they can stay alarmed when they encounter a prisoner and; at the same time, keep themselves away from that prisoner.
Further
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, it can enhance the secure awareness of the masses. Once
people
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 knew the criminal information, more and more
people
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 would prepare self-defence weapons for themselves.
Hence
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, it can effectively reduce the number of accidents in the society. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some negative drawbacks to detailed criminal information, I believe that it will create more advantages for society and cannot be limited.
Submitted by sherry0588 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from clearer organization and more specific examples to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there is room for improvement in connecting ideas and providing a more cohesive argument.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but some words are used incorrectly or inappropriately, and there is a need for more precise and varied word choices.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of grammar and sentence structure, but there are some errors in sentence construction and word choice that affect the clarity and precision of the essay.
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