IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

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In recent years, increasing numbers of experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 are competing with younger people for the same jobs.
This
Linking Words
 situation has created several challenges, including increased pressure on employees and difficulties for young graduates entering the workforce.
However
Linking Words
, there are practical solutions that can help address these issues. One major problem is that experienced employees often feel stressed about maintaining their positions. As companies regularly evaluate performance for promotions and salary increases,
workers
Use synonyms
 are under constant pressure to perform well. At the same time, young people who lack work experience struggle to secure their first job. They must compete with more experienced candidates, which often leads to repeated rejection and loss of motivation.
For example
Linking Words
, studies show that a large proportion of university graduates find it difficult to obtain employment in their field of study. Several solutions can be implemented to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, companies should assign clear job roles based on employees’ experience and skill levels.
This
Linking Words
 would allow
workers
Use synonyms
 to focus on their specific responsibilities rather than competing directly with others.
Secondly
Linking Words
, organisations can create mixed teams consisting of both experienced employees and young
workers
Use synonyms
. In
such
Linking Words
 teams, senior staff can mentor juniors, helping them develop skills,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 improving their own leadership abilities.
This
Linking Words
 collaborative approach benefits both groups and enhances
overall
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 productivity. In conclusion, competition between experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 and young people can lead to stress and reduced job opportunities for graduates.
However
Linking Words
, by clearly defining roles and encouraging teamwork, companies can effectively manage
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both parts of the question well. To get a higher score, add one more clear and direct idea about why this job fight is bad for older workers or young people.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but some points could be more full. Try to explain each problem and each solution a little more.
task response
For task response, your example is relevant, but it is a bit general. Use a more specific example with clear facts or a real case.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your linking words are good, like 'however', 'firstly', and 'at the same time'. To get a higher score, use a wider range and make some links more natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has one main topic, which helps the reader. You can improve by developing each main point with one more supporting sentence.
task response
You answer both questions in the task, so your response is complete.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well organized and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear opening and a clear ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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