IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

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In recent times, a higher number of
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition with the fresher workforce for similar
job
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 roles. The problems of
this
Linking Words
 cause are young generation feels demotivated in their early career
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 other employees need to
work
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in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 tension about how they can sustain their
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
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,
while
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 the viable solutions are assigning
fix
Replace the word
fixed
job
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 duties to each worker and
formating
Correct your spelling
forming
 a team consisting of a young and
a experience
Replace the word
an experienced
employee
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. Many
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who do a
job
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 in organisations
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are working in a
little
Rephrase
slightly
show examples
 tense situation
for maintaining
Wrong verb form
to maintain
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 their productivity
good
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at a good
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 enough
.
Check wording
level.
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 These companies prefer to look for yearly performace report in order to provide promotions and salary hikes.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 focus to
work
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 hard to maintain
performance
Correct article usage
a performance
show examples
 record.
Moreover
Linking Words
, younger
people
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, who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
work
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experiences
Check wording
experience
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, struggle to get their first
job
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. When
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 are in their initial
job
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 hunting phase, both experienced and recently graduated candidates are
completing
Verb problem
competing
show examples
 to successfully receive a
job
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 offer. Being rejected in the recruiting process, they become frustrated and loose motivatie to
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a report published by BBC News says that more than 65 percentage university graduates struggle to get a
job
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 in which they studied
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. There are possible solutions to mitigate
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, by providing
fix
Replace the word
fixed
job
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 responsibilities as per seniority level. If one has
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
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ideal
Replace the word
idea
 about their
work
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assignement
Correct your spelling
assignment
, they will focus on specific tasks first
instead
Linking Words
 of
being panic
Wrong verb form
panicking
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 about others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, management should create teams of
a little experienced
Correct determiner usage
both inexperienced
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 and
full
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
experienced candidates. Young
people
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 can grow in their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 by getting proper
guidence
Correct your spelling
guidance
 from
seniors
Punctuation problem
seniors,
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while
Linking Words
 senior employees can
also
Linking Words
 develop leadership
skill
Check wording
skills
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 by managing juniors.
This
Linking Words
 approach will give an opportunity to learn to each
employee
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.
For instance
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, many small firms use
to
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 approach to utilise their full working
potentials
Check wording
potential
show examples
while
Linking Words
 everyone can
work
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 in
secure
Correct article usage
a secure
show examples
job
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. In conclusion, many
people
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 are competing with young
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employee
Check wording
employees
show examples
 for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
job
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 role.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 situation makes experienced
employee
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 to
work
Use synonyms
 under tensed situation and young to difficulty to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
opportunity
Check wording
opportunities
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
 can be solved by assigning
work
Use synonyms
 properly and making strategic teams.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You name the problems and solutions, but some ideas are short.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. Some points are hard to follow because of word and grammar mistakes.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea if you can. Your BBC example helps, but it needs clearer wording.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, problems, solutions, and end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simpler way. Some sentences are too long or unclear, so the flow is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence and one main point in each part. This will make the essay easier to read.
task response
You answer both questions in the task.
task response
You give two problems and two solutions, which gives your essay a clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your body parts follow a logical order: problems first, then solutions.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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