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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that children should be involved in making schools' rules. Some argue that adults should be in charge of making rules. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #children #schools #rules #argue #adults #charge
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A group of individuals
presents
Correct subject-verb agreement
present
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 the view that
children
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 should be involved in making school
rules
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,
whereas
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 others believe that
adults
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 should be in charge of making
rules
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. I strongly agree with the former opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that involving
children
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 in making school
rules
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 promotes a sense of responsibility and accountability among
students
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. When
children
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 are part of the decision-making process, they are more likely to understand and respect the
rules
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. They
also
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 present the sound argument that
such
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 involvement encourages active participation and engagement in school life. By involving
children
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, schools can ensure that the
rules
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 are relevant and reflective of
students
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' needs and experiences.
On the other hand
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, another group of people claim that
adults
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 have more experience and are better at understanding the long-term implications of
rules
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. They insist that having
adults
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 in charge ensures consistent and professionally considered regulations.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as it overlooks the importance of
students
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' perspectives.
Adults
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 may prevent
rules
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 from becoming overly lenient or biased towards student interests, but without student input, the
rules
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 may not address the real issues faced by
students
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 daily.
To conclude
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, in my view, involving
children
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 in the rule-making process in schools is crucial. It not only promotes responsibility and engagement among
students
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 but
also
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 ensures that the
rules
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 are relevant and reflective of their experiences.
Moreover
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,
while
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adults
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 provide valuable expertise and consistency, excluding
students
Use synonyms
 from the process overlooks their unique insights and needs.
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relevant specific examples
Try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen your points.
logical structure
While the essay is coherent, you could enhance cohesion by using more linking words.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and a well-rounded conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Main points are clear and well-developed, showing clear comprehension of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • engagement
  • relevant
  • reflective
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making
  • experience
  • long-term implications
  • consistent
  • professionally considered
  • lenient
  • biased
  • discipline
  • order
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