IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

something will be fine when people do it many times, however, it brings negative consequences if they do too much

#people #times #consequences
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In our lives, something will be fine when
people
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 do it many times,
however
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, it brings negative consequences if they do too much. In my point of view, I strongly agree with that,
for instance
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, consuming a
lot
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 of
food
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 could lead to obesity or using technology a
lot
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 might damage health. First of all, almost of
people
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 do not realize
this
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 problem, obesity is a significant and common disease in today’s life. They eat a
lot
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 of
food
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 without options
such
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 as consuming
food
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 many oil, fat and sugar.
Food
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 is good for
people
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’s health if it is vegetables, but most
people
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 want to eat junk
food
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 than vegetables.
For example
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, my cousin used to eat a
lot
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 of fast
food
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 and now she needs to use medicine to lose weight.
Secondly
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, nowadays, young
people
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 use a
lot
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 of modern devices in a daily day, especially children. They can be used from 8 to 10 hours per day, and they affect a
lot
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 of the eyes and brain.
Moreover
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, children do not have time to do outdoor exercise or activities so they will not have strong health.
For instance
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, my friend play game too much per day, he plays any time he has and the result is he usually get a headache. In conclusion,
people
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 should know how many is enough and not do much if they do not want a bad result.
Submitted by dieuvipham.hd on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task, but the ideas are not fully developed and lack sufficient examples and details. It does not fully address the prompt's requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear, and the organization of ideas could be improved for better coherence and cohesion. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the supporting points need better connection and development.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows some variety in vocabulary but lacks precision and accuracy. There are also instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing that undermine lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates some control over a range of complex structures, but there are consistent errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and subject-verb agreement, impacting the grammatical range.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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