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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You have planned to stduy in australia. You have sent a letter to a college, but you have not received a reply from the college. Write a letter to the college principle. In your letter you should give details og the course that you wished to do say why do you choose yo study study at the college say why you need the reply soon.

#stduy #australia #college #principle #og #course #yo #study
Dear Sir , I am writing
this
 letter to get some information regarding the management
course
 from your prestige Cambridge College. I have sent a letter to a college but unfortunately, I didn't get any response. I want to
enoll
Correct your spelling
enrol
 in the management
course
 to polish my skills and talent which will help me to get my dream job . The
course
 will start in June and that will take me 6 months to complete.
However
, I want to know about the tuition fees and other expenses so , I can arrange money to avoid inconveniences .
This
course
 really captivates me because I want to work with TJX company in
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 future . The knowledge and information will help me to perform my duties accurately
Moreover
, work ethics and professionalism are very significant to crack the interview in order to get a spectacular job . I hope I will get your response as soon as possible because I need to apply for a visa which is a long process and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will take 4 months
thus
 , I don't want to miss any chance to visit Australia for my higher education. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Jai
Submitted by Kaurharvinder2984 on

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structure
Ensure each paragraph is structured around a single idea for greater clarity. While you've generally maintained this, further refinement could enhance readability.
grammar and spelling
Proofread your letter to correct minor spelling errors ('enoll' should be 'enroll') and punctuation. This will improve the professional quality of your writing.
content
To improve task response, provide more specific details about why you chose this particular college beyond the course offering. Mentioning unique qualities or programs of the college can strengthen your rationale.
transition
For coherence, work on transitions between paragraphs to make them flow more seamlessly. Using phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'Regarding my urgency,' can guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
closing
Consider concluding with a polite request for information or a suggestion for a follow-up, such as proposing a phone call or indicating your availability to discuss the matter further. This can make your closing more dynamic and assertive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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