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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US between 1998 and 2000.

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US between 1998 and 2000.
#information #value #sources #fish
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The graphs illustrate the total cost and the nations that imported
fish
Use synonyms
 to the US from 1988 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the proportion of source of
fish
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 imported to
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 from Canada witnessed a downward trend during the
period
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, the opposite was true for
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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China and
others country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure for
others country
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other countries
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account
Change the verb form
accounts
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 for the biggest share
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the table charts, the total bill of
fish
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 increased significantly from 6.57
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 in 1988 to 8.52
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 in 1992, after which it
growed
Correct your spelling
grew
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 sharply to 10.72
billions
Change to singular
billion
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 in 2000.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the ratio of exporting
fish
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 in Canada with a rapid decrease from 60% in 1998 to 34% in 1992 and a final drop to 28%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. The number of
exporting
Wrong verb form
exported
show examples
fish
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resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 in China
starting
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at 13% at the beginning of the
period
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,with a subsequent increase to 20% in 1992 and a slight increase to 30% in 2000. The similarity was seen for the figure of that in
others country
Fix the agreement mistake
other countries
show examples
, accounting for 27% in 1988 before reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak at 46% in 1992 and ending the
period
Use synonyms
 with a marginal decline to 42% in 2000.
Submitted by mythongminhhonmanh on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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