IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In many parts of the world, there is a growing focus on building houses, and these developments often come at the expense of a city’s natural habitat,
such
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 as parks and farmlands.
While
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this
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 can help address housing shortages and revitalize areas, the loss of green zones in cities can negatively affect the surroundings and people’s mental well-being.
Therefore
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, it is a negative improvement
overall
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. The shortage of housing is one of the biggest problems facing many cities today. Turning underutilized places and farmland into apartment blocks can help meet the increasing demand for housing, especially in densely populated areas. The creation of housing can alleviate the housing crises not only by directly offering accommodation to the public who are willing to buy one but
also
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 by increasing the availability of options, which can lead to more affordable housing prices in an area, allowing society from low-income backgrounds to get on the properties.
This
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 is because with these usually come many more amenities, including shopping malls, playgrounds, recreational facilities, and parking areas. These improvements generally contribute to a higher quality of life.
By contrast
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, in many towns, residents often complain about the lack of
such
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 opportunities, having to commute to access them in another part of the city.
Moreover
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, the lack or disappearance of green spots can have less obvious but severe effects on people. City life has long been associated with increased stress levels, anxiety, and depression in the population and having access to squares and gardens can serve as a perfect counterbalance. If people are deprived of these places
due to
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 urbanization,
this
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 can have a huge impact on folk’s mental well-being. In conclusion, there are potential benefits to the construction of housing at the cost of parks and farmlands,
such
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 as the mitigation of housing problems and improved quality of life. That said, the negative consequences of
such
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 an expansion are more significant, considering its impact on the climate and people’s mental health.
Therefore
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, urban designers should not disregard the importance of green zones in cities.

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task achievement
The introduction clearly states your thesis and outlines your position, which is good. However, elaborating a bit more on the reasons for your stance in the introduction could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly differentiate between the positive and negative aspects in each paragraph. Some ideas, such as the one discussing increased housing and amenities, could be more logically connected to the drawbacks you mentioned.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples of cities or specific locations where these phenomena are happening. This adds depth to your argument and engages the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is solid, but it could benefit from a brief recap of the main points discussed in the essay to reinforce your argument and enhance the overall coherence of your piece.
task achievement
You have a good balance of paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument while maintaining a clear stance, which reflects strong critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
The use of varied vocabulary and structures throughout the essay demonstrates a strong command of English and keeps the reader engaged.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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