People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped?

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It has become an increasing trend for some first-time criminals to revert to
crimes
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after they are released from prison, largely influenced by the lack of understanding of right and wrong and financial conditions. In my opinion, actions are needed to help them out from the government.
To begin
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with, the reason why some repeated
crimes
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happen is
due to
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an inherent unawareness of what they did is unacceptable, even after being imprisoned.
In other words
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,
education
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helps them distinguish right from wrong and recognize the implications brought by their behaviour are missed during the sentence.
In addition
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, the financial burden of these people
also
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plays a significant role in making them back to break the
law
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.
This
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is particularly the case when they face discrimination and distrust in the job market with a criminal record.
For instance
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, the majority of employers will hire
law
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-abiding citizens rather than previous criminals, avoiding being in trouble in the future.
Consequently
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, the financial pressure may amplify the criminal tendency of these people, who may come from unprivileged families and are not well educated.
While
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rehabilitation is hard to achieve in the form of punishment,
education
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in the early stage and severe sentences in the
law
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can be regarded as effective ways to curb crime. On the one hand, the impact of early
education
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,
such
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as primary school and middle school, is given significant importance in shaping one's worldview.
That is
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to say, if students are told to obey the
law
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at an early age, there will be less possibility for them to commit a crime after they reach adulthood.
On the other hand
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, another method to consider is to place severe punishment on the behaviour against the
law
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, deterring potential criminals from putting their ideas into practice. In conclusion, first-time offenders often commit
crimes
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continually, owing to the difficulty in finding a job and the corresponding financial pressure. Measures from the government need to be taken to prevent
crimes
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by leveraging both
education
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and
law
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.
Submitted by yangluo22 on

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task achievement
Make sure that all parts of the prompt are addressed equally. Emphasize solutions to crime as much as the reasons for it.
coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to enhance the clarity and richness of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, there should be clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and the overall structure of the essay should be easy to follow with clear connections between ideas.
grammatical range
Leverage a variety of complex structures and sentences to demonstrate language proficiency. Avoid overusing simple structures.
lexical resource
Use more precise and topic-specific vocabulary, and avoid repetition of words. Diversify your word choice to improve the lexical resource score.
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