IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the case? What are the problems?

There is no doubt that the
tourism
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industry
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 is a potential
sector
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 to invest in in most developing countries. The main factors contributing to
this
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 progress are the prospective job opportunities and the globalization of cultural-cross awareness. The development of
tourism
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 is likely to increase the rate of crime and offence and the destruction of the natural environment. Regarding the root cause of exploiting the advantage of
tourism
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, the domestic annual profit from
this
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sector
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 has an enormous contribution to economic advancement.
Tourism
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 generates an abundance of job opportunities in a wide range from hotel staff, tour guides, and interpreters to transportation workers.
For instance
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, the extension of travelling may create more international firms and jobs for indigenous presidents, especially in the
sector
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 of international business and services.
Furthermore
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, the stimulation of the global
tourism
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industry
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 brings about multiple cultural adaptations, the local people can broaden their cultural horizons and experience an abundance of living styles.
This
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 advantage is derived from the demand for cultural understanding of tourists when they travel to another region. Native people and travellers can construct relationships by learning from each other about the tolerance between distinct cultures. In terms of society, the concentration on promoting the
tourism
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industry
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 can bring about an increase in social crimes. It is undisputed that the prosperous appearance of foreigners attracts the offender to commit a crime as a way to make a living or just satisfy their greed.
In addition
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, tourists have a huge responsibility to deteriorate the ecology.
Furthermore
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, they can pose a threat to the environment
due to
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 their littering behaviour and unconscious actions, which destroy the heritage site or a building,
such
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 as tapping the wall or throwing rocks.
As a result
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, there will be the degradation of the
tourism
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industry
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 or even catastrophic natural disasters
due to
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 the destruction of the environment and the loss of natural revenues. In conclusion,
although
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 the
tourism
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industry
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 is planned to expand with the purpose of enriching the national economy and residential finance, the government should consider more about the effect of
this
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sector
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 or take more steps to protect the national natural resources from the unconscious actions of tourists.

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coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure present, and you have made commendable efforts to link your ideas coherently. To increase your score, work on refining your transitions and ensuring each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more fully developed. Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of the main points in the conclusion for a more impactful essay.
coherence cohesion
You have supported your main points with some explanations; however, incorporating more detailed examples and data can strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task, but it requires a more thorough exploration of the causes and effects mentioned in the question to fully satisfy the requirements. Aim to delve deeper into each aspect to produce a complete response.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear ideas, yet a more comprehensive illustration of each point is needed. Expound on your statements with fuller explanations to enhance the reader's understanding of your perspective.
task achievement
You've included some relevant examples, but they are somewhat generic. Incorporating specific, real-world instances or case studies would give your argument credibility and fulfill the prompt more effectively.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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