Many parents send their children on educational trips inside and outside of their country. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parents support their
children
Use synonyms
's growth by giving educational trips to gain more
knowledge
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will examine the benefits and drawbacks of trips for academic purposes for
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, having an outing to study for
children
Use synonyms
gives the disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, by accepting the parent's order to enrol in the academic trip,
children
Use synonyms
can not fulfil their individual plans for their own hobbies and activities
such
Linking Words
as playing football, swimming, or watching movies. In
this
Linking Words
situation,
children
Use synonyms
could be stressed as they have no time to relieve their stress after doing full-time study in their school and participating in extra programs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
who are sent to have an education trip gain benefits. In the beginning,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational tours could lead
children
Use synonyms
to have new friends to talk, to share, or play
.
Change preposition
with.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
do an extra activity for a study trip, they will meet a new friend in their class.
This
Linking Words
is a good thing for them to know more people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
decide to join an academic in the extra activity, they will have much
knowledge
Use synonyms
as they hear, read, or maybe do the task
while
Linking Words
joining the program.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
knowledge
Use synonyms
they get will make them more valuable than their friends who did not participate in the program. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
sending
children
Use synonyms
to join educational trips may have
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
like making them stressed, it offers more advantages
such
Linking Words
as meeting new friends and gaining valuable experience and
knowledge
Use synonyms
which will make them more vulnerable than others.
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To further improve, make sure that your essay has a clear and direct response to the question from the start. This allows readers to immediately understand your stance and the direction of your argument.
task achievement
Try to include more detailed and varied examples to support your arguments. Specific examples add depth to your points and show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
While your essay demonstrates good logical structure, focusing on smoothing transitions between paragraphs and ideas can enhance the flow of your writing. Consider using more linking phrases to guide your reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining and summarizing your essay's arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, which aids in reader comprehension.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: