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Band 2.5

n the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

#n #people #hobby #trend
Sometimes buying things
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a part of a culture presently
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 like a habit.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe people can buy materials whenever they want to buy and not
doing
Wrong verb form
do it
show examples
 as a
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
 event. Over the years humans go for shopping when there is a function at home.
For instance
, my cousin's wedding was fixed on
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
 25th. But we started to buy things for the bride and groom and
also
 for the family
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
 two months back .
Long
Correct article usage
A long
show examples
 time
back
Rephrase
ago
show examples
 people
go
Wrong verb form
went to
show examples
 buy things when there
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a special occasion like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, engagement
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
,
house warming
Correct your spelling
housewarming
show examples
 et cetera. Now the days humans like to shop whenever they like regardless of waiting for any special occasion to happen. Recently everyone started shopping almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. sometimes when they pass a shop
sells
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 dresses,
furnitures
Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
show examples
, kitchen items, et cetera, they would like to buy.
For example
,
sara
Change the capitalization
Sara
show examples
 who works in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Information Technology field, shops almost every weekend as a hobby as she
like
Change the verb form
likes
show examples
 to collect clothes of different colours, and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of patterns so that she can wear
Correct pronoun usage
them everyday
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 to her office.
To conclude
, everyone should be able to buy materials which they like whenever they like , not waiting for a social event.
Submitted by jennimanu926 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. It is important to have an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs each focused on a specific point, and a clear conclusion that summarises your thoughts and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not effectively developed. Your conclusion should summarise the essay's main points and restate your thesis in the context of the information presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not well supported. Each main point in your argument should be substantiated with relevant examples or further explanation to strengthen your discussion and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The response is incomplete as it does not address the specific question of whether the trend of shopping as a hobby is positive. You should directly answer the question and provide explanations that support your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your ideas are not clearly expressed and lack comprehensiveness, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and is expanded upon with supporting details.
task achievement
While you included some general examples, the essay would benefit from more specific and relevant examples that are directly tied to your argument to illustrate your points more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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