n the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Sometimes buying things
was
a part of a culture presently Wrong verb form
is
its
like a habit.In my Replace the word
it's
it is
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
i
believe people can buy materials whenever they want to buy and not Change the capitalization
I
doing
as a Wrong verb form
do it
traditonal
event.
Over the years humans go for shopping when there is a function at home.Correct your spelling
traditional
For instance
, my cousin's wedding was fixed on december
25th. But we started to buy things for the bride and groom and Change the capitalization
December
also
for the family memebers
two months back . Correct your spelling
members
Long
time Correct article usage
A long
back
people Rephrase
ago
go
buy things when there Wrong verb form
went to
is
a special occasion like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, engagement Wrong verb form
was
party
, Fix the agreement mistake
parties
house warming
et cetera. Now the days humans like to shop whenever they like regardless of waiting for any special occasion to happen.
Recently everyone started shopping almost Correct your spelling
housewarming
everyday
. sometimes when they pass a shop Replace the word
every day
sells
dresses, Wrong verb form
selling
furnitures
, kitchen items, et cetera, they would like to buy. Change the wording
furniture
types of furniture
pieces of furniture
items of furniture
For example
, sara
who works in Change the capitalization
Sara
a
Information Technology field, shops almost every weekend as a hobby as she Correct article usage
the
like
to collect clothes of different colours, and Change the verb form
likes
variety
of patterns so that she can wear Correct article usage
a variety
Correct pronoun usage
them everyday
everyday
to her office.
Replace the word
every day
To conclude
, everyone should be able to buy materials which they like whenever they like , not waiting for a social event.Submitted by jennimanu926 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. It is important to have an introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs each focused on a specific point, and a clear conclusion that summarises your thoughts and restates your position.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but not effectively developed. Your conclusion should summarise the essay's main points and restate your thesis in the context of the information presented in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not well supported. Each main point in your argument should be substantiated with relevant examples or further explanation to strengthen your discussion and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The response is incomplete as it does not address the specific question of whether the trend of shopping as a hobby is positive. You should directly answer the question and provide explanations that support your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your ideas are not clearly expressed and lack comprehensiveness, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Ensure that each paragraph contains one clear main idea and is expanded upon with supporting details.
task achievement
While you included some general examples, the essay would benefit from more specific and relevant examples that are directly tied to your argument to illustrate your points more effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.