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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

26.The chart below gives information about the average life expectancy in six different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

26.The chart below gives information about the average life expectancy in six different countries. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #life #expectancy #six #countries #features #comparisons
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The bar chart demonstrates the data about the average
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in six nations including: Monaco,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Laos ,Rwanda and South Africa.
Overall
Linking Words
, the index of
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in Monaco was the highest with 86
whereas
Linking Words
 South Africa was the lowest at 45age People in Monaco have the longest
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 compared with the other five countries, with an age of approximately 86, the second longest is the United States
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 80
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Philippines’s
Correct article usage
the Philippines’s
show examples
 average
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 10
years
Use synonyms
 less than
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, which is just above 70
years
Use synonyms
 old. Laos had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 figure very near to
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, which was nearly 69 age and
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
around 14
years
Use synonyms
 more than Rwanda, which had
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
 was 55
years
Use synonyms
 old,
Finally
Linking Words
, South Africa had the lowest average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 compared to other countries, with only 50
years
Use synonyms
 old.
Submitted by teachingqa272 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words life, expectancy, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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