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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age
Over the
few
Correct word choice
past few
show examples
 years, the legal
age
 to get married
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 an an ongoing controversial topic. The governing bodies have concluded that 21 is the appropriate
age
 for young people to wed.
However
, many have their own reasons
what
Change preposition
for what
show examples
 the actual legal
age
 must be. In
this
 essay, I will cite some arguments and give my stance on
this
 issue. Marriage is a complex arrangement between two individuals. It takes the couple to come together in harmony whilst keeping
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 differences aside. It is essential that the duo has
skillset
Correct your spelling
skills
show examples
,
such
 as good communication, patience and empathy in order to cultivate a healthy relationship. From my observation ,the youth today have a broad range of relational
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 where they have learned to naturally exercise these skills.
This
 demonstrates that
millenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
 today have a great sense of maturity to maintain relationships.
Furthermore
, in some Indian
cutures
Correct your spelling
cultures
 wedlocks were done at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ripe
age
 of 18 and the underlying reason, especially for
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 was
due to
 fertility reasons. I think the deeper meaning which was missed out was the need to '
nuture
Correct your spelling
nurture
nature
' . The tendency to care, assist, and support is an innate trait we have as human beings.
Moreover
, from an evolutionary
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 human beings are social beings and are wired to be in groups. I distinctly recall, my sister telling me how she
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the urge to take care of a plant , pet or foster a baby when she
tured
Correct your spelling
turned
 18. These factors, make a significant case towards the legal
age
 to be sooner. Taking all the above points into account, I conclude that the contribution of
reltional
Correct your spelling
relational
 experience and biological factors show us that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
 matters
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
marry
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph presents a clear central idea, followed by direct support and elaboration. The essay seems to jump between ideas without fully developing each one.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and organize paragraphs in a logical manner to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Introduce the topic and provide a thesis statement in the introduction. Include a clear opinion and summarize your main points in the conclusion.
task achievement
Develop each main point with relevant examples and explanations. Avoid making assertions without backing them up with clear examples or evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: