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Band 5

More and more young people are using drugs and alcohol and as a result, breaking the law. What are the causes of this problem? What are some possible solutions?

#people #drugs #alcohol #law
In recent years, many teenagers breaking the law through consuming drugs and alcohol has become a significant issue.
This
 essay will examine causes and solutions and present my own perspective. There are a variety of different factors that have led to making young people break the law
as well as
 taking drugs and alcohol. One of the major causes can be that they want to escape from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reality because they may have
a family issues
Correct the article-noun agreement
family issues
a family issue
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 in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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 if they have a conflict inside their families the teenagers can't handle it well
therefore
 it's easier for them to run away by using forbidden things. The second reason is that teenagers can make bad
friendship
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friends
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 in school which
lead
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leads
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 them to use
this
 kind
stuff
Change preposition
of stuff
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 to look cool and awesome in front of their peers. The third reason is that many
school
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schools
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 and families underestimate the importance of
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 awareness about the harms of taboos. Despite some obvious reasons described above, there are several actions that adults could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
, a simple solution would be to increase the awareness of using illegal things.
For instance
,
school
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the school
a school
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 can teach them about the harmful effects
from
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of
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 using these things, bring a group of people who
recover
Wrong verb form
have recovered
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 from addiction, and make them
to
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apply
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do projects about consuming drugs and alcohol.
While
 the parents help them to deal with their emotions and maybe visit a therapist. In conclusion, addiction poses several serious problems, including
break
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breaking
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 the law.
However
, solutions
such
 as increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness can help address these issues effectively. It is vital for individuals to take proactive measures to ensure that young people are mentally and physically well.
Submitted by isumiah3 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to elaborate more on specific examples and tie them more clearly to your main points to add depth to your argument.
logical structure
Make sure to use conjunctions and transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs, as this improves readability and coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on sentence variety and avoid repetitive phrases to make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, effectively setting the stage and summarizing your points.
complete response
You covered multiple causes and solutions for the issue, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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