IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

There have been many inventions in human history, such as the wheel. Some people think the most important invention is the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#inventions #history #wheel #people #invention #internet
In human history, there have been many
inventions
 and some people assume that the most vital
invention
 is the
Internet
. I do not agree with
this
 statement because I believe that there were
inventions
 that were more important. On the one hand, the
Internet
 is a very important part of our
lives
 so many things in our daily routine are related to the
Internet
. If the
Internet
 has disappeared,
this
 would change our life to 180 degrees. The
invention
 of the
Internet
 has brought so many amenities that it made our
lives
 kind of easier than it was before.
For example
, we can book tickets for trains, flies, cinema etc. online and it is much easier than going to the booking centre and waiting for hours just to get your order. For another example, we
also
 can message our friends, family members or work staff to anyone we want just by using the
Internet
.
On the other hand
, the
Internet
 is very vital now, there are many invisible little
inventions
 that we are using every day and that have a lot more value for us. It is true that the
Internet
 has changed the human race's
lives
 to the good side but it is far more than the most important
invention
.
For instance
, let's consider the
wheels
. Many centuries ago,
wheels
 had been invented and used for easier transportation of cargo. In modern life,
wheels
 are used in almost every aspect of our
lives
, even the
Internet
 is working thanks to the
wheels
. Despite the fact that the
Internet
 is a more complex and sophisticated
invention
,
wheels
 are used to construct that. In conclusion, I would say that
although
 the
Internet
 has a huge importance in our
lives
, there are many more vital
inventions
 that we are not paying attention
.
Change preposition
to.
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Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has an adequate structure with an introduction and conclusion, but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more effective paragraphing. Each paragraph should open with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Further, ensure that each paragraph has a single focus and that all sentences within it directly support the main topic.
task achievement
While you have presented arguments for both sides, you should strive to ensure that your essay thoroughly answers the question, which involves analyzing the extent to which you agree with the given position. You should provide more detailed explanations and several relevant examples to support your points. The essay would also improve by clearly articulating the significance of other inventions in comparison to the Internet, not just mentioning them.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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