More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
day and age, the average overweight is significantly increasing; especially, in the rich nations there are several factors leading to this
issue. However
, the only main reason is wealthy countries have fast-paced lives work affects the country's wealth , therefore
, numerous parents
don't have too much time
to take care of their children
and then
give them a convince.
As mentioned above, the only key point is to take care , form parents
. Firstly
, today's households choose fast food for their kids; due to
, convince and fast this
kind of food is a type of junk food that has many drawbacks such
as impure fat or high cholesterol that impact young children
.
Secondly
, this
is the modern era where everything is driven by technology so huge parents
give their mobile phones, tablets and television to youth more than do activities together; hence
, great kids are always sitting in front of the TV for an hour and playing video games moreover
, exercise time
is dropped dramatically.
Consequently
, this
behaviour of households most influenced overweight children
. In some cases, young adults grow up with health problems; likewise
, such
as diabetes, heart disease ,fatty liver and ADAH. The analyst of
paediatrician said the statistic of diabetes in young adults is more than in the past around 60%.Change preposition
apply
Furthermore
, in the worst case, some children
pass away when there was young or some kids grow up have poor health and strong like other people of the same age because of these eating habits and spending time
focusing on the screen with unlimited time
.
To sum up
, hereupon adapting to the current era of parents
that super affected with youth; moreover
nowadays have missive covenant thing and entertainment lead to negative physical and mental issues. According, is the duty of the household to balance the schedule of work time
and family time
.Submitted by np.napatping on
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coherence cohesion
Organize the essay with clearer paragraph divisions and smooth transitions between ideas to enhance logical flow.
task achievement
The essay should provide more detailed explanations and examples that illustrate the causes and effects of childhood obesity.
language
Work on sentence structure to improve clarity and reduce the number of grammatical inaccuracies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph introduces a new idea or aspect to develop a well-rounded discussion.
task achievement
The essay identifies pertinent issues such as fast food and technology usage contributing to childhood obesity, which are relevant causes.
coherence cohesion
Attempts to provide a conclusion that summarizes the causes and responsibilities effectively.
task achievement
Properly indicates the seriousness of health issues related to childhood obesity.
coherence cohesion
Recognizes the responsibilities of parents in managing children’s time and nutrition, adding depth to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.