IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that history has no value in the contemporary world. But some believe that we still need history to learn from the past. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

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History
Use synonyms
 has a significant value in the development of human society. It provides vast knowledge about our culture and society. Some individuals think that it has no importance in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
life
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 and some opine that
history
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teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
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 us to learn from the past. The aim of
this
Linking Words
 essay is to discuss
about
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apply
show examples
both points and come to a conclusion. I believe that
history
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 has a great value in our
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life
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lives
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. There are many reasons to learn
history
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. Like, from the
history
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 one can gain knowledge about ancient
people
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people's
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 norms, behaviour, culture and traditions.
Linking Words
As well as
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Also
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,
history
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give
Change the verb form
gives
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 an overview
about
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of
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 our previous ancestors which is very significant
to learn
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for learning
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 about them.
Furthermore
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, we can understand
about
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apply
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the past from
the
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apply
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history
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 which
help
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helps
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 us to realise
success
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the success
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 and failure of the past.
This
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 process helps us to make precious
decision
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decisions
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 in
life
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.
History
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 increases the ability of critical thinking which is transferable and valuable in our different
aspect
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aspects
show examples
 of
life
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. Some people find the study of
history
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 boring which may be a possible cause of misinteresting concepts.
For example
Linking Words
,
history
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subject does
Verb problem
is
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 not
present
Wrong verb form
presented
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 in a way that capture
imaginations
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imagination
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 which lead individual
dismiss
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to dismiss
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 it as a dull and uninspiring
subject
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.
Also
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, there is a lack of
connect
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connection
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 with personal
life
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 with
history
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 so
that
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apply
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they struggle to find value in studying
this
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subject
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. Some
history
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Use synonyms
subject
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subjects
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traditional
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the traditional
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 rote of
history
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 and it cannot connect with their personal feeling which demotivate them to learn
history
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.
To sum up
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,
history
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 has
important
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an important
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 role in our
life
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 even though some boredom. It is important to address
this
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 perception and need to make
this
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subject
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 more interesting by involving diverse perspectives and involving
student
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students
show examples
 in historical inquiry.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction clearly addresses the task and outlines your position. Your conclusion should effectively summarise your arguments and restate your opinion.
supported main points
Develop your main points with clear, relevant examples. Your essay has statements that need more specific examples to support your argument.
logical structure
Your essay's structure is acceptable, but the flow of ideas could be improved. Use cohesive devices effectively to guide the reader through your argument and to clearly show the relationship between paragraphs.
complete response
While you have responded to the task, you should strive to provide a more complete answer that exhaustively discusses the contrasting viewpoints and your opinion. Make sure each viewpoint is thoroughly explored and balanced.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity of your ideas is fair, but you can improve by elaborating on points with more detailed explanations. Ensure your ideas are comprehensive and easily understood by the reader.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to strengthen your argument. Examples help illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contemporary world
  • Irrelevant
  • Fast-paced
  • Distorted
  • Manipulated
  • Reliable
  • Current
  • Relevant
  • Evolve
  • Mistakes
  • Inspiration
  • Role models
  • Identity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Well-rounded
  • Civilization
  • Analytical skills
  • Empathy
  • Tolerance
  • Achievements
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