Some people think that celebrities deserve more privacy than they have. Do you agree?

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These days, famous

people

Use synonyms

tend to have more freedom and privacy after being constantly hoarded by the paparazzi and reporters.

However

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, some celebrities allow their secret information, lifestyle and gritty details to become generally known in order to seek a career in the public eye. I firmly believe that superstars may entail a need for extra safety and privacy for the purpose of not being chased down the streets by journalists or fans. Because journalists can go to extremes to get their perfect story by exaggerating some of the negatives about superstars. In the first place, the majority of

people

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become obsessed with their top-notch celebrities' performance, luxurious looks and net worth. But most famous

people

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are eager to keep their life in secret and are not willing to expose them to the public.

This

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is because haters or journalists may invade their private lives and even exploit them to gain fame. What is more, superstars may not show an interest in revealing personal information and lifestyle because of totally out-of-order questions they can get asked by reporters and an attitude problem of others.

Apart from

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this

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, they have the right to a day off alone after how much work they have done and how they have got a top place in

people

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's hearts.

On the other hand

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, losing touch with social media and

people

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's attention can work to their advantage but there could be a sharp drop in income.

For instance

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, online videos, room tours and personal interviews cost a lot and they can derive a lot of benefit from it. The more they spend time with their fans, the more they get the recognition they deserve.

Moreover

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, spreading more information about their style can draw attention easily and assist in reaching a higher level of fame. All in all, it seems to me that privacy is way more crucial than popularity and it is better to keep their private life secret in order to not get any negative attention or psychological disorders.

omondavlat91Tue Nov 21 2023

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task achievement

While your essay presents a clear position throughout, it is important to delve deeper into concrete examples to better support your main points. The mention of celebrities being chased by journalists or suffering from negative attention and potential psychological disorders could be supported by specific, real-life instances or studies. This would illustrate your arguments more effectively and make them more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

Your essay exhibits a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Nonetheless, the flow between ideas can be enhanced. To achieve better cohesion, use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. It's crucial to not only state your points but also to link them intelligently and seamlessly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

334 words

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Some people think that celebrities deserve more privacy than they have. Do you agree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say the the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Buying things on the internet, such asbooks, air ticket and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?