Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Given the pivotal role of
work
of individuals, the question of what the relationship between careers and the meaning of life
is has garnered widespread interest. One common perspective that many people, myself , advocate is that work
is indeed a fundamental aspect of life
and can significantly influence the overall
sense
of meaning.
The bond between the achievement of a career and a sense
of fulfilment is not considerable in a few ways. One important reason is that focusing excessively on work
can lead to strained relationships and isolation from friends and family. This
is because they spend almost all their time on their job promotion and do not have enough quality time to strengthen social bonds and take care of their parents and offspring. In addition
to this
, success does not always mean good health and happiness, which should not be underestimated. Citizens in Japan, famous for being a giant of the global economy, often face stress due to
the excessive workload and working extra hours for a long time. As a result
, this
nation also
is in the top countries having the highest suicide rate in the world.
However
, there are more reasonable grounds that successful careers play a pivotal role in life
. Firstly
, when financial stability is taken into account, money helps humans not only secure their livelihoods and provide for their families but also
maintain friendships. In the absence of success, people may struggle to meet their basic needs, which can cause conflicts in the family, and in the worst-case scenario result in divorce. Secondly
, achievement in work
is a chief of financial security as well as
a catalyst for personal growth and self-actualization. It means that successful milestones in life
are able to push boundaries and assist individuals to evolve continuously, which enables them to achieve a deeper sense
of meaning in life
. Pham Nhat Vuong, for instance
, the CEO of Vingroup, his relentless pursuit of his business passion has pushed him to the limit and fueled his sense
of purpose.
In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, intensive concentrating on work
can bring some undesirable impacts but the advantages career achievements bring are far weightier and should be considered central to one’s sense
of purpose.Submitted by nttung.182 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some level of organization, but at times, ideas can be better connected. Seek to enhance the linkage between your ideas for a more seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, but make sure they are succinct, clear, and echo each other for maximum effect. It helps to explicitly restate your position in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally supported, try to deepen the analysis and provide more nuanced arguments. Including more detailed and diverse examples would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Your response is complete and covers the prompt well, although at times, the depth of the answer suffers. Strive for a more thorough exploration of the question to fully satisfy the task.
task achievement
Your ideas are comprehensible but aim for clarity and precision to strengthen your arguments and make them more comprehensive.
task achievement
The examples provided indeed relate to the topic, yet they could be more specific and directly supportive of your arguments. Personal or localized examples can be very effective.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example