IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore,sport lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more people take care
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
lot
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 of their children. They said that children are now less active in their free
time
Use synonyms
 than in the past. More individuals think that the solution is
sports
Use synonyms
 lessons must be compulsory in school. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
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 point of view and show all the reasons for that.
Firstly
Linking Words
, we need to know that physical education is the lesson that helps us keep balance. On a normal day, we add calories to our body so much, that if we can't find a solution to burn it, we will be overweight.
Moreover
Linking Words
, playing
sports
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 helps us have good
health
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, and to maintain a healthy lifestyle, we need to exercise more and more. But we don't have
time
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 to play
sports
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 or do exercise, so the
time
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 in school is a good
time
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 to learn it.
Therefore
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,
sports
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 lessons must be compulsory in school. Curently, physical education teaches us more and more than keep a nice
health
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. It teaches us how to discipline and work with others as a team. Teamwork is the important thing we need to learn when we
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
children, playing
sports
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 which can play with a team can improve us a
lot
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 of teamwork.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if people are unfit, the government will have to spend a
lot
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 of money on medical care in the future. It is a waste of money and we need to solve it by doing more exercise to improve
a
Remove the article
apply
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nice
health
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. In my opinion, schools need to spend a
lot
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 of money on
sports
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 facilities to attract students who can find interest in
sports
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. If we can do it, more students will enjoy physical education
time
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. In conclusion, sport is an important lesson we need to learn to have a good lifestyle and
nice
Correct word choice
good
show examples
health
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 because
health
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 is so important when it has a problem, it is so hard to resolve it.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your viewpoint. It should establish a foundation for what is to be discussed in the essay without going into too much detail too early.
Body Paragraphs
The body paragraphs must each have a main idea, supported by relevant examples or evidence. In this essay, the examples given are too general and not specifically tied to real-world scenarios or factual evidence.
Paragraph Structure
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the content of the paragraph. Make sure all subsequent sentences relate directly to the main idea of the paragraph.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should summarize the main points of the essay and clearly state your position, giving a sense of closure and completion to the argument.
Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words, pronouns, etc.) effectively to help with the progression of ideas.
Task Response
Make sure that the argument addresses the task prompt throughout the essay. Each main point should contribute to fulfilling the task requirements, with a clear explanation of how it relates to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • childhood obesity
  • structured activities
  • physical fitness
  • mandatory
  • physical education (PE)
  • life skills
  • teamwork
  • perseverance
  • discover
  • talents
  • access
  • integrate
  • flexible
  • rigid
  • undue pressure
  • self-esteem
What to do next:
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