IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#companies #employees #work #home #development
These days, most global inhabitants
work
 for different businesses;
additionally
, some employers let their workers
work
 from their homes. In my opinion, it is a positive development owing to the fact that
this
 change has benefits for not only the environment but
also
 people's
time
 and the economy. On the one hand, when companies can handle their workers from their houses, they do not need to build offices; in fact, a sector of nature
that is
 destroyed for offices is reduced.
In addition
, people do not need to travel to
work
 every
time
;
hence
, the figure of toxic gases that are generated by transportation machines declined, so they help the environment to survive.
On the other hand
, if people have a job
that is
 remote
work
, they do not need to spend a great deal of not only
time
 but
also
money
 on a number of items.
In other words
, it is important that populations who
work
 outdoors spend the majority of their
time
 and
money
 on transportation;
furthermore
, a large group of these communities do not have
time
 for cooking;
therefore
, they should invest too much
money
 in convenient food;
moreover
, the young generations who have a baby and children they have to pay
money
 for kindergartens, yet when they
work
 in their house they do not need to fund for these elements.
To sum up
, In my view, working at home is a good method on account of the fact that it has several merits for both surroundings, keeping more, and workers, lose their wasted
time
 ,and their cost on some parts.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Using personal anecdotes or wider examples will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Improve in clear and comprehensive idea expression by using simpler sentences where needed to ensure clarity of your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure to ensure each paragraph flows into the next. Consider using more transition words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Focus on sentence variety and complexity, but ensure that complex sentences remain clear and understandable.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay includes a clear introduction and a good conclusion, rounding off your arguments well.
task achievement
You have provided distinct reasons on why working from home is beneficial, focusing on the environment, time, and economy.
coherence cohesion
You have attempted to organize your essay in sections that address different points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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