IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others think that watching TV have more beneficial effects on children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #tv #children #effects
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Some individuals are of the opinion that watching television has a negative impact on the young views,
while
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 others assume that it is beneficial for them in various ways.
This
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 essay attempts to discuss both views and provide
this
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 writer’s perspective, which supports the second group.
To begin
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 with, the primary disadvantage of watching TV is that teenagers’ behaviour can be affected adversely by exposure to inappropriate content. As there are plenty of violent topics flooding the Internet at a dense rate, it is far more challenging for adults to avoid being involved, let alone children.
In addition
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,
due to
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 the fact that people at an early age are likely to imitate the actions or behaviours of others, the implication of
this
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 is the imitation of children to conduct loads of wrongdoings,
such
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 as bully, disobedience to their parents, and so on.
For instance
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, because of the loose censorship of content uploaded to social media, more than 50% of teenagers have been involved in being offenders of school violence,
this
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 proportion is envisaged to rise significantly by 2030.
However
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,
this
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 writer believes that television watching can bring about the broad of children’s horizons.
This
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 can be attributed to the educational videos posted on the Internet revolving around valuable content, namely wildlife, gratitude, and respect. It is acknowledged that these programs provide immature viewers with priceless knowledge, which can widen their own horizons about surrounding events. Taking National Graphic as a prime example, teenagers can absorb a great deal of information about animals existing on
this
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 Earth. In conclusion, despite the drawbacks brought by TV watching
due to
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 the toxic environment on the Internet, it is valid that by watching wholesome videos, adolescents are able to gain a greater precious understanding.
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task achievement
You have provided a clear response to the task and included relevant examples to support your points. However, some of your arguments could be more comprehensively developed.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next, maintaining a cohesive structure throughout. The transitions between ideas could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and appropriately framed. Ensure that your main points are consistently and fully supported by relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
You've done well to discuss both sides of the argument and conclude with your own opinion, which is a strength in addressing the task comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability.
task achievement
Examples like National Geographic help to illustrate your points effectively, strengthening your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary behavior
  • unrealistic perceptions
  • creative pursuits
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • constructive content
  • screen time
  • parental guidance
  • critical thinking
  • active learning
  • age-appropriate
  • media literacy
  • family bonding
  • moderation
  • perceive
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