IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that children should be taught from a young age how to handle money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #children #age #money
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Almost of people think that teaching about management
money
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 to kids from an early age is a good approach. In my opinion, I certainly agree with
this
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 statement.
This
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 essay will explore my view. There are two main reasons I am of opinion that parents should introduce how to handle
money
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 for their children. It is important that educating about the value of
money
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 can improve awareness in utilizing, and saving can help their finance in the future.
For example
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, youngsters may use their
money
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 to buy what they want
such
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 as books, clothes, and other items, which are necessarily on them, by having without support from anyone.
As a result
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, it is important that kids who obtain knowledge can cope with
money
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 problems more than those who do not have learning. Another reason for my view is why handling funds appropriately should be instilled in childhood. If there are unprecedented circumstances in the future, a child will find it easy to deal with
this
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 trouble.
In other words
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, Children who learn about financial management and recognize the value of
money
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 can find ways to handle it.
Moreover
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, strengthening
this
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 skill can provide many benefits.
For instance
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, when they grow up to be an adult, they can use a budget, which is saved from the past, to make a foundation for their life
such
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 as company, married life, and a house.
As a result
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, saving
money
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 from a young age can increase life in some time. In conclusion, after considering these discussions, my thought is that I firmly believe that young children should be taught how to handle their own finances.
Submitted by champperkhu on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure. Organize your paragraphs effectively, start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs each with a single clear idea, and end with a conclusion summarizing your argument. Each paragraph should have clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences that develop the main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive. However, the conclusion could be more reflective of the main points discussed. Aim to reinforce your key arguments and restate your position clearly in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more naturally and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
Task Achievement
Ensure you are addressing the task fully. You have provided an opinion, and your essay does reflect on the topic at hand. However, include a broader range of ideas and views for a more balanced argument and to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas with clear, comprehensive explanations. Support each point with specific examples and ensure they clearly relate to the central topic of the essay. More detailed support for your points will enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include relevant, specific examples that effectively support your argument. Providing real-life scenarios or evidence shows a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthens your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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