Some people think living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Some
people
argue that living in big towns negatively affects people
's health
. I completely disagree with this
point of view because big cities
provide their society
a better health
amenities and working in big cities
ensures a competitive salary, its workers will be likely to afford in healthy lifestyle
.
To begin
with, Enormous cities
serve their inhabitants a variety of public facilities, including top medical hospitals. Because of this
society
grant a range of option to cure critical medical disease, which is not available in rural areas. For instance
, heart cancer is only possible to be cured at modern hospitals in central
city, which the hospital equips with high-end technologies and availability of brilliant talents in the medical field. Add an article
the central
As a result
, people
from urban cities
with heart cancer need to travel to the big cities
to get medical treatments. Otherwise
, they might get worse by the ill. Therefore
, the society
, who are living in big cities
, where sophisticated medical amenities are available will positively impact their health
sector.
Furthermore
, employees who are living in big cities
generally have a bigger income rather than those who are living in urban areas. It means they have a significant money power to afford a living lifestyle
that ensures their fitness. For example
, the trend of working out in the gym or sports centre is gradually increasing. Although
it requires high fees in membership subscription
, which obviously they could afford, the trend shows more and more Fix the agreement mistake
subscriptions
people
are coming to the gym. Resulting in the cultivation of healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
society
, in which urban people
normally label gyms as an expensive commodity. Thus
, living and working in big cities
promise a better living lifestyle
rather
than living in small Rephrase
apply
cities
.
In conclusion, I agree with the notion big cities
produce a better health
record for their inhabitant because of the availability of a broad range of health
amenities and the affordability, due to
high-wage, to live a healthy lifestyle
.Submitted by elroivan on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Overall structuring of the essay is adequate, with both an introduction and a conclusion in place. However, transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one for improved flow
Task Achievement
There is a clear stance throughout the essay, but some points are not fully developed. Expand your ideas further and ensure that all arguments directly contribute to the prompt. Task achievement would improve with a more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint as well