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Band 7.5

As science and technology contribute most to the development of society, science students should get more financial support from government than students in other fields (eg. business, language, etc.). To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#science #technology #development #society #students #support #government #fields #eg #business #language
The development of society is contributed mostly by technology and science. The government, as the authorities, should invest more in scientific
students
 rather than in entrepreneur or literature
students
.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 statement because it can improve a country's educational
level
 and support solving the governmental
level
 issue. Most of the sophisticated books in science and technology are expensive
due to
 the long process of
research
. Scientific
students
 characteristically are people who have perseverance and resistance. Supporting their finances by buying them the books would not be a loss for the authorities since they would use them as additional references or even as sources of
research
.
For instance
, providing them with medical device development books will make it easier to grasp the idea and put it into their
research
. Simultaneously, it will
also
 elevate the educational
level
 of a country based on its student's
research
 and analysis capabilities.
Moreover
, the
research
 itself could become an idea for the student to implement or create a device to solve some of the governmental issues.
For example
, in 2022, medical and biotechnology
students
 discovered a new mobile ventilator machine to prevent the effects of COVID-19. They said they were inspired to create
this
 machine based on the
research
 by their alumni whose
research
 was supported by the government.
Furthermore
, the life expectancy was
also
 raised
although
 the disease was there at that time with the support of the discovered machine. The writer agrees with the statement. Scientific and technological
students
 play a significant role in the development of society.
Hence
, the government should put a lot more money into supporting their initiative. Improved a country's educational
level
as well as
 solving the governmental
level
 issue are two of the main reasons.
Submitted by bram.admiral on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but there are a few areas where clarity can be improved. You should make sure every paragraph has a clear main idea that relates directly to the task.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively, but some of your ideas could be more comprehensively developed. For instance, you could explain further how government support in science specifically translates to societal benefits.
task achievement
Using more specific examples could strengthen your argument. You should look at including statistics or real-world applications of scientific advancements that have directly benefited society.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a coherent structure with an evident progression of ideas, and the main points are clearly related to the topic.
task achievement
Your response is complete and addresses the task, with a logical explanation of why government support for science students might be beneficial.
task achievement
You provided clear and relevant examples, such as the development of a mobile ventilator machine by students. This effectively illustrates how government support can lead to societal benefits.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • contribute
  • development
  • society
  • financial support
  • science students
  • other fields
  • government
  • equal
  • pursue
  • scientific studies
  • balanced approach
  • academic qualifications
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