Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. Do you agree or disagree?

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Given the mounting importance of

education

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to an individual’s comprehensive development it has garnered widespread interest. One common perspective that many people, including myself, advocate is that a full-time curriculum should be made compulsory for adolescents.

Students

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should not spend their entire time

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show examples

class until adulthood for several reasons.

Firstly

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, full-time

education

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will limit

students

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to a high extent. The reason might be the fact that if their life is devoted to learning at school, there is obviously no time to improve other important and crucial

skills

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like communication

skills

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, social

skills

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or find talents they may have like singing or painting,...It has to be noted that these

skills

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are as important as

education

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, and being restricted to academic subjects can make

students

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not thrive in other aspects.

Secondly

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, making somebody learn what they are not interested in may cause negative results

instead

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of our expectations.

For example

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, if they are not interested in academic study and are forced to learn

such

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complicated subjects, they can be frustrated and get bored, and

therefore

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all efforts have been in vain.

However

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, there are more reasonable grounds that full-time learning plays a pivotal role in the student's development in the future. One significant fact is that most adolescents are reared and supported by their parents during their formative years, and

thus

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lack a comprehensive understanding of their decisions. That being the case, giving

students

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the leeway to choose whether or not to attend class can result in misgivings later in life.

Moreover

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, being educated is the key factor that prepares children for the future

due to

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the benefits that

education

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brings to them.

For instance

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, occupations relating to Information technology, artificial intelligence, and computer science, which take time to study at school to excel at them, always offer applicants higher salaries and more job opportunities. In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, I wholeheartedly endorse the notion that young

students

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under the age of 18 should be obliged to finish their

education

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despite that intensive concentrating on study until 18 can bring some undesirable impacts but the significant contributions that school makes to children’s

overall

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development are far weightier.

Submitted by nttung.182 on Sat Nov 25 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on that idea without digression. Though your essay presents relevant ideas, there could be more explicit topic sentences to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to organize your ideas more clearly. The essay presents a logical order of ideas, but transitions between them can be smoother.

task achievement

Develop your main points with more specific examples and explanations. You have made relevant points but providing more detailed illustrations will enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.

task achievement

Ensure that your position is consistently clear throughout the essay. You have expressed a viewpoint, but greater clarity in the introduction and conclusion will strengthen your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. Do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

In some countries, most people prefer to rent a house rather than buy their houses. What are the advantages of renting a home? Should governments subsidies house prices for first home buyers?

In some contries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday? Do you ageree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?