IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

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Arguably, it is believed that individuals with high incomes are well-succeeded. Personally, I disagree with
this
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 view since financial resources are not solely the unique outlet to define success.
Although
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 these two terms are so close.
This
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 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand, money does not define a successful person.
In other words
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, there are other variables to be taken into regard
such
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 as emotional imprint and connectedness with others.
For instance
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, if someone has a million dollars in his bank account and fails to deal with others,
this
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 can not be considered as well-succeeded, it is claimed by a group of connoisseurs of the University of Michigan in their recent investigation carried out
last
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 year.
As a result
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, communities misunderstand the concept and regard billionaires as the most successful individuals across the world.
On the other hand
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, big money earning is closely related to prosperity. Because of what money is possible to do,
this
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 term is undoubtedly linked to fame and outcomes.
For example
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, football players who gain big are said to be wealthy and extremely successful, despite sometimes there are not as prosperous as it is said.
Moreover
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, a plethora of them grapple to be in the first team. In conclusion, notwithstanding the close link between these two terms, the true meaning of well-succeeded goes beyond the number of income gained.
However
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, other social parameters should be taken into consideration.
Therefore
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, I still disagree with the statement.

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task achievement
The essay partially addresses the prompt but deviates from it. The candidate should focus on discussing satisfaction with possessions and the tendency to desire more, rather than defining success. The response requires a clearer and more direct approach to the question posed and should be more explicitly linked to the original statement throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
There is some logical structure, but the essay could benefit from clearer progression of ideas. The candidate should ensure a strict adherence to the topic question, providing a more explicit introduction and conclusion that reflect directly upon the stated prompt. Additionally, transitions could be smoother, and paragraphing could better reflect the organization of main points.
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