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In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an egeing population outweigh the disadavantages?

#countries #people #population #governments #society #disadavantages
It is true that healthcare advancement and better living conditions have led to higher average longevity.
While
 an ageing population has some drawbacks, I believe the advantages it brings to society are huge. On the one hand, the increasing number of old people is problematic for a nation.
First,
it creates a shortage of young labour force as more and more senior citizens still work after retirement, and
this
,
therefore
, leads to a less innovative, creative and dynamic economy.
Second,
retirees require a large sum of money for their pensions and subsidies , and
this
 obviously is a burden for governments and taxpayers.
Finally
, old people are prone to illnesses and ailments and
thus
 need more healthcare services which cost a country a fortune.
For example
, national resources have to be extracted for constructing and operating more elderly homes to cater to senior citizens
On the other hand
, an ageing population is advantageous to both family and society.
This
 phenomenon can
deeper
Replace the word
deepen
show examples
 family bonds, as old members can provide the family with support and care, and can
also
 act as a mental beacon for the young generation.
For example
, in many countries, grandparents help look after grandchildren and do household chores so that young adults are stress-free to make ends meet.
In addition
, old people have a stronger emphasis on experience and can be a great source of mentorship. It is common that more and more citizens who want to pay back to society are willing to work as volunteers in many communities and groups to
guild
Correct your spelling
guide
show examples
 the younger generation, and their goodwill, enthusiasm and knowledge can uplift the morale and spirit of young adults. In conclusion, my view is that the rewards of an ageing population do outweigh the problems it causes.
Submitted by ashissarker18 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical progression by further improving the connection between ideas and paragraphs. While the structure is generally logical, transitions could be smoother, and a few ideas need better elaboration to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present; however, make efforts to strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the points and your stance more clearly. This will reinforce your position and lend more persuasiveness to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure main points are clearly supported with relevant examples. While there are some examples provided, they are not always specifically tied to the argument. Use more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your main points.
task achievement
A complete response to the IELTS task should address all parts of the question. Ensure you equally consider both advantages and disadvantages to provide a balanced view before stating your conclusion.
task achievement
Strive to present clear and comprehensive ideas; at times, some ideas were only superficially treated. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with thorough support.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support each point. At present, while examples are provided, they could be more detailed and directly related to the argument. Specific real-world instances can help in illustrating your point more convincingly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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