A rise in childhood obesity is a real threat to health with an increasing number of children now classified as overweight. What are the causes of the problem and what measures can be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Overweight and
obesity
are on the rise worldwide, especially among children
. If not well controlled, it can become an epidemic with serious health consequences. My essay will thoroughly analyze some major causes and propose possible solutions to the issue.
First,
the most likely causes of obesity
are identified as an increasingly sedentary lifestyle. One contributing factor to this
way of living is children
's reliance on technology such
as smartphones, television
, for entertainment. Correct word choice
and television
Instead
of participating in physical activities, kids sit or lie down prolongedly, spending hours with their electronic devices. The most common symptoms are early back pain, as well as
the loss in
concentration and memory. Change preposition
of
However
, an effective remedy to an inactive lifestyle is to work small bits of exercise into one's daily routine. Children
can walk at least thirty minutes a day, three times a week, or do sports such
as swimming, running
for better health.
Correct word choice
and running
Second,
changes in eating patterns have a great contribution to obesity
. Increased consumption of fast food and sugar-rich beverages is a major cause, as these are easily accessible and heavily marketed to children
. Additionally
, the fast food industry is not only supported by most campaigns but also
advertisements are shown daily to the public. For instance
, in the United States, McDonalds, Burger
King commercials are displayed on television every thirty seconds. In order to tackle the problem, families should attend nutritional classes to understand more about healthy eating habits and good dietary choices.
In conclusion, there are many factors Correct word choice
and Burger
such
as lifestyles and eating patterns that result in childhood obesity
and there are a number of ways that could be done to counteract the problem.Submitted by nguyenphuonglinh16.12 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions. However, try to expand a bit more on the solution section to make it as comprehensive as the problem analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have organized your essay well with clear paragraphs, but using more transitional words between ideas could enhance the flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your main points are fully explained. For example, expand on how exactly attending nutritional classes will impact families' dietary habits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction is concise yet informative, summarizing what the essay will be about effectively.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples, such as the impact of fast food advertising in the United States, which enriches your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the view that there are multiple solutions to tackle childhood obesity.
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