IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, sports is a big business with high earnings for professional sports people and companies involved both financially and other ways. Is this a positive or negative development for sports? Give reasons for your

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In recent years,
sports
Use synonyms
 have evolved from mere recreational activities into a colossal global industry. Professional
athletes
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 earn staggering salaries, and companies invest heavily in sponsorships, broadcasting rights, and merchandise.
While
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 the commercialisation of
sports
Use synonyms
 undeniably generates significant benefits, it
also
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 raises concerns about its impact on the essence of athletic competition.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides of the argument, highlighting the positive and negative implications of
this
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 trend. On the positive side, the financial growth of
sports
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 has led to unprecedented opportunities for
athletes
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 and related industries. Increased sponsorship deals allow professional
athletes
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 to focus entirely on training, improving their performance to the highest possible standard.
Moreover
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, corporate investments in infrastructure have led to the development of state-of-the-art
sports
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 facilities, which benefit both professionals and the general public.
For example
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, major sporting events
such
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 as the Olympics or the FIFA World Cup result in world-class stadiums and better
sports
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 amenities in host countries.
Additionally
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, the media exposure generated by commercial sponsorships helps to popularise niche
sports
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, encouraging more young people to participate and adopt healthier lifestyles.
However
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, the commercialisation of
sports
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 is not without drawbacks. The emphasis on profit has, in some cases, overshadowed the true spirit of competition.
Athletes
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 are often under immense pressure to perform, sometimes resorting to unethical practices
such
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 as doping to maintain their competitive edge.
Furthermore
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, the growing focus on revenue can lead to the exploitation of
athletes
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, particularly in
sports
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 where corporate sponsorships dominate decision-making. Smaller and less popular
sports
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 may struggle to attract the necessary funding,
further
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 widening the gap between mainstream and niche
sports
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. Another concern is the increasing cost of attending live events, as ticket prices soar to meet financial demands, making
sports
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 less accessible for average fans. In conclusion,
while
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 the transformation of
sports
Use synonyms
 into a business juggernaut has brought about tangible benefits, including improved infrastructure and enhanced athletic performance, it
also
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 poses significant risks to the integrity of
sports
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. Striking a balance between commercial interests and maintaining the core values of sportsmanship is crucial. Without
this
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 balance, the negative aspects of over-commercialisation may outweigh the positives, ultimately diminishing the universal appeal of
sports
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.

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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to enhance the argument's relevancy, particularly in the paragraph discussing drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clear transitions between paragraphs to further strengthen the unity and coherence of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively presents both positive and negative viewpoints, maintaining a balanced discussion throughout.
task achievement
The vocabulary used is varied and sophisticated, effectively conveying your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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