IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Advertising has become part of everyone’s life. Some people say that advertising has a positive impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#part #everyone’s #life #people #impact #lives
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It is widely believed that advertising plays an integral part in our daily
lives
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, bringing
along with
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 it benefits for society as a whole. Personally, I can neither agree nor disagree with
this
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 statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that advertising has a positive impact on our
lives
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. One of the main reasons for
this
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 is how advertising provides information to the public, allowing us as
consumers
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 to have a wider range of choices of products to consume. Providing the mass population with detailed info on each good they can possibly purchase, allows
consumers
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 to make a rational decision for themselves after weighing what they lose and gain from
this
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.
This
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 not only respects consumer rights but promotes merit goods consumption which provides positive externalities for society.
For example
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, a case study by Harvard Business School has shown that after a successful marketing campaign for vegetables and healthy eating, the obesity rate in America has dropped by 10%, reducing pressure on healthcare services in the country.
On the other hand
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, I disagree with the viewpoint that advertising has a positive impact on our daily
lives
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.
This
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 is because advertising can manipulate people's behaviours to benefit a third party. With the rise of huge tech companies, social media have become a huge part of our
lives
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 and as
such
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 the amount of data these companies have on us is monstrous. Through the analysis of
this
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 data, these firms can sell our personal info to advertisers, allowing them to design advertisements that directly target us.
Due to
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this
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, we essentially get controlled by the ads and make irrational choices which may impact our
lives
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 later on. As an example, research from Johns Hopkins University pointed out that with the data provided by tech companies, advertisement becomes 3 times more effective at persuading
consumers
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 than before. In conclusion,
although
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 advertisements do have their benefits as they provide
consumers
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 with the freedom of choice, I'm convinced that in
this
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 modern day of technology, advertisements are specifically designed to manipulate our actions without our consent, harming the world in the process.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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task achievement
Ensure that you take a clear position on the prompt throughout your essay. While exploring both sides of the argument is good, the essay should also express a clear viewpoint in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to manage the organization and development of your ideas. Overall, you demonstrated a good logical structure.
coherence cohesion
There is room for improvement in the development of your main points. While you have provided examples, ensure that these examples are consistently relevant and that they effectively support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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