IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. what are the causes of this problem? How lo overcome il?

#people #aim #balance #work #lives #il
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It is undebatable that almost everyone dreams of having a work-life balance.
Nonetheless
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, it is not easy to achieve. Limited
time
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 and
workload
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,
however
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, are the major reasons for
this
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 cause. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on why
this
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 has been an issue and how to overcome it. Limited
time
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 is one of the reasons why
people
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 fail to get a balance between their work and lives.
For instance
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, many
people
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 live in suburban areas which are far away from their offices. To demonstrate, they have to take a bus or train that takes
hours
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 to get to and back from the office.
As a result
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, they lose
time
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 for themself and spend more
hours
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 on the road.
In contrast
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, if individuals have many leisure
hours
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, they can use it to do their hobbies or simply spend
time
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 with their loved ones.
Secondly
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,
workload
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. Too much
workload
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 can make
people
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 find it difficult to have leisure moments. They will spend their days to finish their work. Sometimes, it is not because they want to but because of the conditions that make them have to do so.
For example
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, an employee at the starting level of a career will spend more
hours
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 doing what their boss tells them to do and they can do nothing about it except do and finish it.
Nevertheless
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, humans will always be human. We need space to take a rest and enjoy our life, away from task stuff. Some advice that the public can give is; to know their limits and when to stop and rest, and always keep in mind that life is not always about catching ambition but
also
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 enjoying every minute of it. As a more practical suggestion, one can make their own schedule activities and be strict with it. In brief, everyone can achieve a work-life balance and has a right to it. Unfortunately, some
people
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 fail to achieve it because of
time
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 and
workload
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.
However
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, they can make their own schedule activities and try to manage their
time
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 and limit.
Submitted by imsarunn on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively throughout the essay, and be mindful of paragraphing, which should reflect the organization of your thoughts. Start with a clear introduction, discuss each main point in its own paragraph, and conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your opinion, if applicable.
task achievement
For task achievement, it's essential to fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you respond to both questions in the prompt thoroughly. Provide a complete response that covers the causes and solutions of the problem. Incorporate clear, comprehensive ideas, and support each with relevant, specific examples that illustrate your points effectively. Avoid generalizations and make sure that your examples are pertinent and detailed enough to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: The equilibrium between personal life and career work.
  • Burnout: Physical or mental collapse caused by overwork or stress.
  • Time management: The process of organizing and planning how to divide your time between different activities.
  • Financial pressures: Economic demands that might force someone to prioritize work over personal life.
  • Overcommitting: Taking on more responsibilities than one can handle.
  • Technological advancements: Innovations in technology that make it easier to stay connected to work outside of office hours.
  • Societal expectations: Cultural norms and beliefs that influence people's behavior and decisions.
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