In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose higher taxes on this kind of food.
Nowadays, fast
food
has become one of the most popular meals for people
who live in metropolitan cities due to
its convenience and affordability. However
, most people
are concerned about health
problems
caused by fast food
. In my opinion, I do not agree to increase
the tax on this
type of food
.
Firstly
, fast food
is not the only cause of health
problems
. People
can have health
problems
due to
various factors. Governments
should not increase
the taxes, but they have to provide sport
facilities and gyms in different places, Change the noun form
sports
such
as in public parks, villages, health
centres, and so on. In order to increase
healthy behaviour in people
, the government should prepare affordable and convenient gyms because the main reason that people
would rather not go to the gym is the price of
the gym is very expensive. Change preposition
apply
Secondly
, for the sustainable healthy habits of people
. Governments
should collaborate with various organisations, for example
, governments
can publicise the
Correct article usage
apply
health
knowledge in schools or universities. However
, the information about health
should also
be not only in educational institutions but also
in the general public. Governments
may use other platforms to raise awareness about health
problems
.
On the other hand
, the increase
in fast food
taxes may trigger people
to reconsider consuming fast food
because some people
consume fast food
due to
its affordable price. If the price of fast food
is rising many people
may find some alternative food
instead
of fast food
.
In conclusion, I do not agree with increasing taxes on fast food
. However
, governments
should prepare public health
facilities and knowledge for people
to be aware of the health
problems
because fast food
is not the only reason that causes the
Correct article usage
apply
health
issues.Submitted by matty10
on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, however, the transitions between ideas could be enhanced by using more cohesive devices and better topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point you intend to discuss.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, the introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question. The conclusion does revisit the main argument, but ensure that it also summarizes your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are outlined, but some could be further developed with more elaboration or explanation. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this idea is supported with specific examples or evidence.
task achievement
You have responded to the task by presenting reasons for not agreeing with the tax increase on fast food. To improve, be sure to directly and fully address all parts of the task, including potential counterarguments to your position, as this shows a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but they could be expanded upon to be more comprehensive. Consider exploring the implications of your arguments in greater depth to provide a more nuanced response.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and to demonstrate a clear understanding of the issue. Examples sustain your claims and make them more convincing, so try to include relevant and concrete details whenever possible.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.