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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable for the audience. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #audience
In the new era,
people
 could immerse themselves in a live performance like a football match or a play, which is more entertaining for the viewers. I contend that the benefits of watching a show in front of your eyes are far weightier than the number of drawbacks. First and foremost, attending a concert may cost a lot of time, which makes many individuals, especially parents, hesitate about their decisions as they only have one or two days per week to relax.
In addition
, a minority of the
people
 in the labour force don’t even care about entertainment activities.
Secondly
, some kinds of tickets are too expensive for a large number of
people
 that they can not afford them.
For example
,
last
 month, my parents promised to go to a music concert, but they had to work overtime, so we cancelled until the next event
although
 we bought some tickets and the price was equal to 10% of our income.
However
, the impression of a group's music or a football match in front of us is different from an aired live telecast. It consists of emotions, vibrations and graces of
people
 and a lively environment which are worth a lot.
Moreover
, food and drinks would be sold at a low price because the seller always wants to offer a wholesale price on that day.
For instance
, my friend and I attended a concert with our favourite singer 2 years ago, we always remember that moment of dancing and craziness whenever we get together. It is a lifelong memory for us. In conclusion, I suppose that
due to
 the reasons I mentioned above, the advantages of watching a live performance outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to this main idea.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader through your arguments clearly.
task achievement
Try to develop examples more thoroughly to support your points, as this will show a better range of language and a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on providing a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, with more equal development for each side.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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