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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the best way to teach children to behave well is through punishment, others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #children #punishment #point
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Certain individuals believe that punishment will assist in teaching the youth to be a good character.
In contrast
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, others disagree and believe that giving rewards and praising them is better. From both views, I would like to discuss both issues and present my opinion on each aspect.
Firstly
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, some punishments will stop those characters leading to indiscipline
although
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 a number of youths do still not understand why they do like that.
Otherwise
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, these teenagers cannot be controlled by their guardians.
On the contrary
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, these injuries will cause the children to become terrible youths since they are resisted by adults disagreeing with those behaviours.
For instance
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, in my school, Thailand, most children addicted to nervous chemicals are held by adults and
then
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 they will find more medicines .
However
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, giving rewards can support those good behaviours to be better and
also
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 their passion for the manner person will be increased.
For example
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, when teenagers get excellent grades in school, they should get electronic devices for education and encouragement to be talented students.
Moreover
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, good speech can heal their minds on the worst day.
Therefore
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, talking with them is the heart to change those acts.
Nevertheless
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, the parents can not look after the offspring at all times but giving some time to them will not feel alone.
To conclude
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, all offspring should not be injured from hurting and get terrible speech for the guardians from teaching to the better individual.
As a result
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, they should encourage all choices leading to the manner human.
Submitted by amittawin on

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction sets out both views clearly and present a thesis statement with your personal opinion. Avoid vague expressions and make the thesis stand out.
Task Achievement
Work on expanding main ideas and make sure to explain how they relate directly to the question prompt.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support each argument. This helps in making your points more convincing and directly relevant to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay clearly by using paragraphs for each main idea, and employ cohesive devices to link your ideas and paragraphs together.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to help with the flow of the essay, and to clearly show the relationship between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that the conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your personal opinion. This should clearly signal the end of the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Behavioral norms
  • Social boundaries
  • Consequences
  • Resentment
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Approval
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Consistency
  • Clear communication
  • Psychological research
  • Practical outcomes
  • Discipline
  • Nurturing
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Operant conditioning
  • Constructive criticism
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