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Band 7.5

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is believed by some that
team
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sports
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 at schools is an efficient way to cultivate children’s collaborative spirit. Personally, I tend to think that school is a great area to teach children teamwork as it enhances their collaborative
skills
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 and engages
students
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 in activities with groups.
Firstly
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, it is well-known that
team
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sports
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,
such
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 as football, basketball, and volleyball demand cooperative
skills
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. What I mean here is that children by actively engaging in
such
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 activities will acquire new
skills
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 and augment their communication with others. One of the main reasons behind
that is
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team
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sports
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 will bring
students
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 together rather than individual
sports
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 enabling them to make new friends, which instills motivation in them to work with the group.
For instance
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, it is scientifically proven that adults who have experience in
team
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sports
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 will cooperate and communicate superior with staff in their future jobs.
On the other hand
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, it can
also
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 be argued that teaching
team
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sports
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 at school will improve the cognitive
skills
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 of individuals. As evidence
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
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apply
show examples
that kids by collaborating and executing the tasks together would likely express ideas and think outside the box.
Subsequently
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, everyone in the group will exchange their knowledge, which is good for brain development. A great example here, in linguistic subjects
students
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 will be more creative and imagine and process information faster.
To sum up
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, taking everything mentioned into account in our final analysis we can say that
team
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sports
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 at school are a great place to enhance cooperation and communication among 
students
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.

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sentence structure
Ensure variety in sentence structure to maintain the reader's interest.
vocabulary enhancement
To further enhance your essay, consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary, particularly synonyms to avoid repetition of the same words.
argument strength
You've done an excellent job of supporting your argument with examples and reasoning. To further strengthen your position, consider introducing counterarguments and then refuting them. This demonstrates an ability to critically analyze different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using linking devices to connect them throughout.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main ideas of the essay, providing a strong opening and closing.
examples use
Your use of specific examples to support your points is commendable, adding much-needed depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • values
  • applied
  • aspects
  • belonging
  • camaraderie
  • participating
  • essential
  • social skills
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