IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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It is often ,discussed that numerous children are involved in unhealthy and inappropriate lifestyles nowadays that would be solved by
parents
Use synonyms
 and
academy
Correct article usage
the academy
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. I firmly believe that more experienced person can take the initiative to alter their difficulties and maintain a proper routine. To commence with, I reckon that people who have experienced several challenges or ups and downs during their lives are more likely to guide young stars effectively. Obviously,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers are more aware the matter how a sedentary lifestyle can bring about a wide range of adverse effects on their mental and physical health. To exemplify,
parents
Use synonyms
 can look after what their offspring doing and eating at home ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, teachers are supposed to check what are they doing at school place.
Therefore
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, I admit that older people can execute how to maintain a proper routine and let them know about the result.
In addition
Linking Words
, I assume kiddies find their home and school as their main place for growing up and education.
Also
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, they are able to learn a plethora of personal attributes
such
Linking Words
 as teamwork, time management,the importance of exercise and eating healthy food, at school play a crucial role in living a standard life, unity, personality and so on.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I think
parents
Use synonyms
 and teachers are able to encourage their children to stay healthy and apply standard living techniques simply and effectively. In conclusion, we are facing a considerable number of youngsters who follow an unhealthy lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
, more mature are responsible for guiding them in a proper way and recommending to them how to change their bad habits.

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structure
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cohesion
Work on using more varied and accurate connecting words to help with the logical flow of ideas and paragraphs.
task response
To fully address the task, ensure your argument consistently agrees or disagrees with the statement throughout the essay, and provide a clear, distinct opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
examples
Use specific examples to support your main points. These examples should be detailed and relevant to the argument you are making.
accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Use a range of sentence structures and check your word choice for accuracy.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
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