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Band 7.5

Space travel has been possibile for some time, and some people believe that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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It
 is widely thought that
humankind
 could easily travel to some destinations in outer
space
such
 as Venus, Mars, or Jupiter because of the outbreak of the
space
tourism
 industry in the future. Personally, I consider that it borders on being more beneficial than harmful. The drawbacks of the trend towards travelling outside the Earth are indeed evident.
Firstly
, governments might spend a large amount on supporting scientists and
tourism
 companies to research and seek
such
 feasible destinations. Meanwhile,
this
 budget could be allocated to tackle many urgent problems
such
 as global warming, the greenhouse effect, and air pollution.
In addition
, organizing trips to explore outer
space
 could pose passengers who might pay over one million dollars for their trip some risks because of facing the harsh conditions in the shuttle
as well as
 in their destination. There are convincing reasons to say that
space
 travel could be a negative development.
On the other hand
, I strongly believe that the advancement of
space
tourism
 in the near future could benefit the development of
humankind
. The process of looking for new destinations on other planets might create breakthrough inventions in various fields of science
such
 as astronomy, aerospace, physics, and chemistry. Unless NASA consistently researches whether a new inhabitable plant exists or not,
humankind
 will not know that Mars has had water. Granted, travellers who would take
space
 trips will pay a huge amount which can be a hundredfold than domestic or international ones.
However
, these trips might be the most memorable experience in their whole life, help them broaden their horizon about the solar systems and encourage them to believe that the capability of
humankind
 is unlimited.
Therefore
, there are compelling pieces of evidence
to conclude
 that people can benefit from the progression of
space
 travel. In conclusion,
although
space
tourism
 could lead to some issues, I completely believe that it would be a positive development because it supports new inventions and provides new valuable knowledge. \
Submitted by preetgurichahal11 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure to fully expand and support your main points with specific and relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for a more varied use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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