IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that it is better to be unemployed than to be employed in jobs they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many are of the opinion that being unemployed might less harmful for
people
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 compared to employed workers without
enjoyment
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.
Although
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 some argue
this
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 would be the reality, other groups of society insist that
people
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 should be able to find other benefit rather than
enjoyment
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 from their
work
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such
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 as building up their social networking and finding other opportunities. Proponents might support that individuals should find the genuine interest point they can enjoy from their professional position. To specify
this
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, in order to maintain their
work
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 in a long-term for the
job
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, it can be considered that the ture passion into their
work
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 should be followed.
Otherwise
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,
people
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 might get easily burn-out from their
work
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 which leads
people
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 to resign their position in a short-term. On top of
this
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, unenjoyable
work
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 may bring excessive stress on them which can sometimes trigger
people
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's mental health issues.
As a result
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 of
this
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,
people
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 who experienced these issues
while
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 working might not back to the
work
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 again. In spite of the compelling rationles of the issue, oppenents raises their voices emphasising that individuals might be able to find other advancements from their professional careers which might
also
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 be valuable as much as
enjoyment
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.
This
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due to
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 the fact that professional workers can expand their social networking by engaging and participating relevant projects working with workers being employed by different fields.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
people
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 can maintain thier qulity of life by still earning the regualr income as the basic reason of working. Like
this
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, maintaining the
job
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,
although
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people
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 do not enjoy them, may result in bringing other
job
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 opportunities in which they are passionate at
last
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while
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 they still have their salaries to balance between
work
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 and the personal life. In conclusion,
although
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 there are
people
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 advocating the viewpoint that
people
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 should not
work
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 which they do not find interest and
enjoyment
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, the latter point of view seems to be more convinced to me which argues that
people
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 might be able to expand thier
job
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 networking to find more appropriate
work
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 for themselves with their incomes.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed logically. Improve paragraph transitions for smoother flow.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples with more detail to illustrate your points fully. Consider the use of real-world scenarios or hypothetical situations to make your argument more compelling.
General
Remember to proofread your essay for grammatical accuracy and vocabulary range. This enhances the clarity of your arguments and your overall score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
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