IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The increasing presence of multinational companies and globalization is believed by some to have positive implications for everyone involved. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#presence #companies #globalization #implications
Some agree that the activities of large multinational corporations are of great benefit to the economies of developing countries.
On the other hand
, others have a different view and consider these industries to be dangerous. The explanation of these claims and my personal opinion on the situation will be elaborated in
this
 article. Multinational companies
such
 as Unilever and Shopee have been assisting countries in meeting the needs of their communities.
For example
, the famous Samsung Group has provided smartphones to the masses, thereby increasing productivity in the workplace.
Additionally
, international organizations can serve as an inspiration for local people to establish similar businesses.
For instance
, Gojek is an adaptation of Grab, which was already operational in a different country.
In addition
, the company is increasingly motivated to compete with its predecessor since it can modify its models to suit Indonesian preferences.
However
, they can
also
 cause some trouble, namely: the death of local products and damage to the environment. Their activities in the country can hamper small business profits.
For example
, Starbucks Coffee has always dominated the coffee shop competition, which has limited the growth of small businesses like Kopi Kenangan.
Additionally
, they may cause natural disasters somewhere because they are often not responsible for their waste management systems. All in all, I believe that we should prioritize the development of our people by utilizing the positive outcomes of multinational corporations.
Nevertheless
, we must regulate them by formulating strict policies to reduce their negative impacts.
Submitted by yuqingchen10 on

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task achievement
Ensure your essay has a clear opinion throughout, not just in the conclusion. The prompt asks you to discuss your extent of agreement or disagreement; ensure this stance is articulated clearly early in the response.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more precise topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph should open with a clear main idea that is then expanded upon with supporting information.
coherence and cohesion
Varied sentence structures are a key aspect of well-written essays. Try to incorporate a mix of complex and simple sentences to demonstrate linguistic range and enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases judiciously. Overuse of connectors can make the essay seem mechanical, while too few can hinder the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
When providing examples, ensure that they are not only relevant to the point you are trying to make but also illuminate the reason behind your agreement or disagreement with the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should clearly summarize your key points and restate your opinion. Make sure it links back to the introduction and doesn't introduce new ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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