IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that starting to studying a foreign language in primary schools is better than starting in secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #language #schools #outweigh
Many people argue that it is better for
children
to begin
 learning a foreign
language
 in primary
schools
 rather than secondary
schools
. Personally, I believe that the merits of
this
 outweigh any potential demerits. On the one hand, studying a foreign
language
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary
school
 will add a significant workload to
children
 and lead to stress,
exhaustion
Correct word choice
and exhaustion
show examples
.
For example
, pupils have to struggle to arrange their time correctly, and
this
 can have negative impacts on their effective learning.
On the other hand
, accessing the foreign
language
 at the primary
school
 has a lot of advantages. Kids in the age of primary
school
 tend to absorb foreign languages better than the ones in secondary
school
. Learning
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
show examples
language
 early
also
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
children
 develop their pronunciation and fluency.
For instance
, students studying at international
schools
 frequently have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 background
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 English because they
were accessed
Wrong verb form
access
show examples
 foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 earlier than pupils in normal
schools
. Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
primary
schools
 tend to start teaching foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
 and
therefore
English
Correct article usage
the English
show examples
 ability of kids
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
also
 improved considerably. In conclusion,
although
 learning
foreign
Add an article
a foreign
show examples
language
 in primary
schools
 can cause students more stress,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are so many advantages that the kids can
archive
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
. I believe if the
schools
 have creative teaching methods that make lessons
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not boring, the
children
 will be excited and no more pressure.
Submitted by weezel on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas within paragraphs are logically sequenced and signposted. Avoid run-on sentences and ideas that are not clearly linked.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but make sure to provide a more detailed summation of the arguments made in the body of the essay in the conclusion.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear and specific examples. Vague references such as 'For example, pupils have to struggle to arrange their time correctly' without further clarification or detail do not adequately illustrate the point.
task achievement
Your task response adequately covers the prompt's requirements by discussing advantages and disadvantages. However, strive for a more balanced discussion and consider expanding on the disadvantages to provide a more well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: