IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

celebrities say media interfere in their private moments while some say that they must face this due to their popularity. do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #media #moments #say #face #popularity
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One of the phenomena in the modern era
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 celebrities. Celebrities are well-known people who have a knack for their talent or aptitude.
For example
Linking Words
, they might be
renown
Replace the word
renowned
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 for acting, or writing.
This
Linking Words
 fame has
made
Verb problem
caused
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 some trouble for them,
such
Linking Words
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of privacy,
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
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 stalkers, and
hounded
Add a missing verb
being hounded
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 by fans. Some individuals believe that they have to encounter these consequences because of their popularity. I agree
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some
extend
Replace the word
extent
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 with
this
Linking Words
 attitude. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that people are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
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a role model these days. They need someone who would be complete and away from fault. Meanwhile, famous actors became reputable
as a result
Linking Words
 of ordinary fans. So it is not weird to
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 some Paparazzi
harassments
Fix the agreement mistake
harassment
show examples
 in their life. As an example consider Ronaldo who is a legendary soccer player. He is popular all around the world
due to
Linking Words
 his skills,
in addition
Linking Words
 to his endorsement
for
Change preposition
of
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 successful brands. He might have some troubles with his advocates, but he should accept it anyway.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we should not underestimate
celebrities
Change noun form
celebrities'
celebrity's
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 problems. Despite some advantages like
luxurious
Correct article usage
a luxurious
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 lifestyle, VIP treatment, and
easily
Replace the word
easy
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 recognised, they will not find a real friendship.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they expose constant judgment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they will have more potential for
addicting
Replace the word
addiction
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 to drugs and suffering from depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an actress in my country who
were became
Change the verb form
became
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 a victim of
gossips
Fix the agreement mistake
gossip
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, she ended his activity,
eather
Correct your spelling
either
 her life.
Overall
Linking Words
, in spite of
existing
Correct article usage
the existing
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 variety ranges of disadvantages, famous people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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inevitable
Replace the word
inevitably
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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accept the
mention
Replace the word
mentioned
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 drawbacks because difficulties are inseparable elements of each career.
Submitted by tg.persian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that paragraphs are well-organized, each beginning with a clear topic sentence that is subsequently developed. Maintain logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure needs an introduction that clearly addresses the topic, followed by body paragraphs that support the argument, and a conclusion to summarise the ideas and restate the position. Each part should be clearly distinguishable.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with more detailed explanations, evaluations, or arguments. Use a range of sentence structures to elaborate on ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Ensure the essay fully responds to all parts of the task. Clearly state your position and extend your ideas, supporting them with relevant examples.
task achievement
Clarify and expound on your ideas to ensure they are comprehensive and easily understood. Work on the complexity and depth of your arguments, ensuring they are relevant to the main topic.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific and detailed examples to support each point made. The examples should be clearly linked to the point they are illustrating and effectively strengthen the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public scrutiny
  • paparazzi
  • media interference
  • right to privacy
  • tabloid exploitation
  • celebrity culture
  • public interest
  • mental health
  • personal boundaries
  • ethical considerations
  • legal protections
  • intrusive reporting
  • public persona vs. private life
  • fame trade-off
  • audience complicity
What to do next:
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