IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The best way to solve environmental problems is increase fuel cost? do you agree or disagree?

#fuel #cost
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Some argue that the most optimal solution to address the global environmental crisis is to increase the
fuel
Use synonyms
 price. From my perspective, I would like to refuse
this
Linking Words
 notion as these problems are caused by many factors and other approaches will be more effective
due to
Linking Words
 some long-term benefits. On the one hand, there is a wide range of causes leading to the current detrimental issues related to the global environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, trash including domestic and industrial waste
that is
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 not treated appropriately is one of the main reasons for air pollution, soil water contamination and habitat destruction.
Secondly
Linking Words
, deforestation which is primarily caused by agriculture, logging and urbanization,
also
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 contributes to environmental consequences. Particularly, it leads to habitat loss, soil erosion, and biodiversity decline, or even disrupts ecosystems attributed to a heavy factor of climate change. All of the aforementioned causes have nothing to do with gas proving that the given solution will not work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
fuel
Use synonyms
 is still one of the main energy sources and people have not figured out alternatives that are more effective to use in transportation and production. It means that gas is essential for people’s lives and the increase in the cost of
fuel
Use synonyms
 can not prevent them from stopping utilities.
Hence
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, other practices should be applied to solve the world’s environmental crisis and to achieve long-term advantages.
To begin
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 with, promoting environmental education, raising awareness about the importance of sustainable practices, and fostering a sense of environmental responsibility can drive individual and collective action.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, authorities should apply more strict regulations or policies related to the decrease in the amount of litter contributing to mitigating the pollution.
For instance
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, the Korean state has exerted the law of charging consumers by extra 2$ if they require plastic bags when shopping, resulting in a significant decline in household waste by 40% compared to the same term
last
Linking Words
 year. In conclusion, as
fuel
Use synonyms
 is not attributed to the main factor causing negative impacts on global environmental concerns, I believe that increasing the cost of gas is not the most advantageous approach to mitigate the given issues.
Submitted by nguyenmysam722001 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
While you present a logical flow of ideas, it is advised to create smoother transitions between them to enhance coherence. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is commendable. However, they could be strengthened by having a clearer restatement of the main points and a more decisive personal stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Supporting the main points with robust and clear arguments is good, but try to integrate more varied examples to add depth to your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a response to the task but could be improved by maintaining a consistent focus on how the increase in fuel prices relates to the main issue throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive. However, strive for a greater degree of development for each point, potentially by expanding on the implications of each argument.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant and specific examples that concisely support your arguments. Examples are strongest when they are both illustrative and pertinent to the point being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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