Write about the following topic: Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #children #home #child’s #development #school #methods

Education

plays an important role in shaping the future careers of

children

While

some people argue that the best place for

children

development to gain their

education

is in their homes, I am with those who believe that

school

has several benefits for

children

. First and foremost, in

school

children

learn to interact with their friends from different characters and backgrounds so they can learn to respect others.

This

interaction might help

children

improve their communication skills

thus

they are learning to prepare to get a lucrative job

due to

one of the requirements to get it is good communication. Socializing with each other

also

could prevent

children

from suffering from mental health because

students

who are taught at

home

will feel alone and stressed. Another point of view

that is

also

important is a

school

is a place for

children

to strengthen their network for their future careers.

On the other hand

home

-schooling has beneficial effects on their

academics

Children

who prefer to be taught at

home

tend to have more concentration than

students

school

who could be distracted by their friends in the learning process so they can grasp lessons faster and achieve their

academics

However

, having achievements in

academics

is not the goal of

education

because

education

should encourage

students

to pursue not only their

academics

but

also

their harnessing in society.

Therefore

, in my opinion, teaching

students

school

still has numerous better impacts than at

home

To conclude

, sending

students

school

has many positive impacts not only on their

academics

but

also

on gaining other skills that are not found at

home

Also

, teaching

students

home

has more detrimental effects on them if

students

are prevented from interacting with each other.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Wed Dec 06 2023

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coherence cohesion

You have maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, which has facilitated clear understanding. However, to improve, ensure that your argument progresses naturally from point to point, with effective use of paragraphs and a clear progression of ideas. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.

task achievement

You have covered both views and given your own opinion, thus providing a complete response to the task. However, for a higher score, you need to elaborate your ideas further to fully develop your arguments. This includes giving more detailed and specific examples from your own experience or general knowledge to support your points. Additionally, ensure that you address all parts of the task equally to achieve balance in your response, which is a criterion for a higher band score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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