IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Write about the following topic: Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #children #home #child’s #development #school #methods
Education
 plays an important role in shaping the future careers of
children
.
While
 some people argue that the best place for
children
 development to gain their
education
 is in their homes, I am with those who believe that
school
 has several benefits for
children
. First and foremost, in
school
,
children
 learn to interact with their friends from different characters and backgrounds so they can learn to respect others.
This
 interaction might help
children
 improve their communication skills
thus
 they are learning to prepare to get a lucrative job
due to
 one of the requirements to get it is good communication. Socializing with each other
also
 could prevent
children
 from suffering from mental health because
students
 who are taught at
home
 will feel alone and stressed. Another point of view
that is
also
 important is a
school
 is a place for
children
 to strengthen their network for their future careers.
On the other hand
,
home
-schooling has beneficial effects on their
academics
.
Children
 who prefer to be taught at
home
 tend to have more concentration than
students
 in
school
 who could be distracted by their friends in the learning process so they can grasp lessons faster and achieve their
academics
.
However
, having achievements in
academics
 is not the goal of
education
 because
education
 should encourage
students
 to pursue not only their
academics
 but
also
 their harnessing in society.
Therefore
, in my opinion, teaching
students
 at
school
 still has numerous better impacts than at
home
.
To conclude
, sending
students
 to
school
 has many positive impacts not only on their
academics
 but
also
 on gaining other skills that are not found at
home
.
Also
, teaching
students
 at
home
 has more detrimental effects on them if
students
 are prevented from interacting with each other.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
You have maintained a logical structure throughout the essay, which has facilitated clear understanding. However, to improve, ensure that your argument progresses naturally from point to point, with effective use of paragraphs and a clear progression of ideas. Consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You have covered both views and given your own opinion, thus providing a complete response to the task. However, for a higher score, you need to elaborate your ideas further to fully develop your arguments. This includes giving more detailed and specific examples from your own experience or general knowledge to support your points. Additionally, ensure that you address all parts of the task equally to achieve balance in your response, which is a criterion for a higher band score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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