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Band 6.5

Some think dangerous extreme sports such as skydiving and rock climbing should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #sports #rock
Nowadays, a lot of people are looking for picky feelings.
Moreover
, some of them are used to getting emotions from extreme activities.
However
, there is another opinion in society that
such
 actions are immoral and should be cancelled. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with the previous statement and
this
 essay will demonstrate reasons why.
Firstly
, after the feelings which extreme sports give you, one can become more confident and assured.
This
 pastime is a great way to get rid of stressful situations and negative memories.
This
 method will ensure you forget about your problems and concentrate on the present.
And after
Correct word choice
After
show examples
 that, a roller coaster or phobia of heights will stop seeming as scary as many humans think. Eventually, feeling extreme is helpful when you are going to overcome your fears.
Secondly
,
this
 kind of sport requires good physical fitness. It means that your body will be strong and well-built. Indeed extreme sports can allow us to keep fit and stay healthy.
Also
, it is an attractive feature for youth who are looking for a soulmate. I am sure that if you look good and
also
 have little to fear, you will get a lot of attention from other people. Certainly, it can
also
 influence your mental health. In conclusion, I want to say that I myself sometimes want to feel extreme and thrilling. I am still too young to do it without my parent's consent, but in the future, I
also
 plan to try skydiving. I do not think it is necessary to cancel
such
 sports, because some people just need it.
Submitted by kahdu6o6ep on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. The logical sequence should be easy to follow, and each paragraph should build naturally upon the last.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion that effectively present the topic and summarize the main points of the essay. The introduction needs to paraphrase the question more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Avoid general statements without backing them up with concrete details.
task achievement
Ensure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. While you present a clear position throughout the essay, further development of ideas is needed to fully answer the question.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by expanding on them with explanations and examples. Consider exploring the topic from multiple angles and include a discussion about potential drawbacks, even if you don't agree with them.
task achievement
Provide relevant examples to support your ideas. These examples should be specific rather than hypothetical or based on personal belief without factual support.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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